


Lean on me

by Redclaire999



Category: NCIS
Genre: Based somewhere just after S17 ended!, Blood, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Coercion, Dubious Consent, F/M, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Torture, Mild Language, Sexual Content, Surgery, This will get darker!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:56:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26159875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redclaire999/pseuds/Redclaire999
Summary: A weirdo predator alert case has Nick being a little over-protective and Ellie struggles to cope.
Relationships: Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres
Comments: 108
Kudos: 140





	1. Gut feeling

He hated cases like this.

Weirdo predator alerts.

So, some guy was going around randomly stabbing female Navy personnel. At least it _looked_ random but there had to be a link other than that the targets were petite, blonde and pretty because that just freaked him the fuck out. The plasma screen showed the four victims, the attacks spread out over a month, but the timescale was escalating. All had the same MO; slashed and stabbed either getting into their cars when leaving work or a familiar location, two dead, one critical and the last victim Anna Green who had luckily survived and was talking. She was really trying to piece together her memories of being stabbed in the abdomen while putting her gym bag in her trunk but the assailant came up from behind, wore gloves and didn’t say a word so she had no clues. It had been dark, and CCTV was blind in that section of the lot.

That last attack had happened in the Navy Yard carpark, like only a few hundred metres from the NCIS offices.

And Anna bore an uncanny resemblance to Bishop…all the victims did.

Nobody said it but every member of the team just kind of circled the wagons around Ellie, took turns walking her to her car, going to lunch with her and he knew _she_ knew what they were all doing, and she _so_ did not like it, that irritable little twitch of her mouth gave her away when someone suggested again, just randomly, to tag along with her.

He could see she was about to snap at someone, most likely himself, for trying to wrap her in cotton wool when she was a badass agent with a gun blah blah. He would take the risk of a roasting, he was thick-skinned. And angry Bishop was as sexy as…well that was beside the point…totally.

She was not happy though.

In fact, she’d been off with pretty much everyone for days. She looked pale and tired and was popping headache meds every time he looked at her, migraines she said. The case must have been getting to her, she wasn’t even eating much.

And she was being …evasive.

Like avoiding him or something, _Kasie_ was her new best friend…which was cool, totally cool. Kasie was lovely. He had no problem with them hanging out as much as they seemed to, even if he wasn’t included in the conversations, at all. Girl talk most likely, right?

Like that afternoon Kasie just happened to pop up at Ellie’s desk, the two of them furtively whispering and Ellie looking awkward as hell. He really didn’t want to listen in on their chat, he had come to the conclusion all this secrecy must be about some guy Ellie was interested in or dating or something. Nick didn’t like that thought much _at all_ but after everything that had happened in the past few months, he could kind of understand why she would keep things like that from him.

Still mulling it over, Gibbs did his usual brisk march into the bull pit, coffee cup in hand, demanding an update. Nick automatically held out the remote control to Ellie and just caught the sudden look of horror on her face as McGee joined Gibbs in front of the screen. Ellie didn’t move, her mouth opening and snapping shut again goldfish-style with a sudden flush on her cheeks that stood out starkly against her pale complexion.

‘Oh! Damn Bishop, I’m sorry!’ Kasie blurted as she very clumsily knocked over the coffee mug right into Ellie’s lap. ‘Is it hot, have I scalded you?’ the two women started fussing, mopping up the spill on the desk. Something about it jarred in Nick’s head, something was odd, played, stilted. 

‘No, no, it’s fine Kase, lukewarm at best. Boss, I’ll be right back, I just have to change,’ with a nod towards the ladies’ room. Kasie shoved Bishop’s go-bag at her and shadowed her, almost on her shoulder, still apologising.

‘Go Bishop!’ Gibbs dismissed her, ‘Torres, report!’ he barked.

 _Shit_! With the remote still in his hand, he was now in the presentation hot seat. Bishop was so much better at the clicky thingy!

They had no new leads and were slowly trawling through CCTV, and bank accounts to see if the women had any overlapping recent purchases, club memberships, coffee shop visits or anything really. Gibbs was not happy, his eyes narrowed ominously, and Nick was sure he heard the older guy’s jaw crack with frustration. The last attack right here in the Navy Yard was just too damn close, right under their noses, taunting them almost.

While Bishop was taking her time sorting herself, Kasie wheeled her office chair away promising to return in a couple of minutes with a less coffee-soaked one.

‘Here, just swap it with mine, it’ll be completely dry before I actually sit on it’ Nick laughed pushing his own chair forward, the running joke about him never actually sitting at his desk still rumbling on.

‘Ah, thanks but um-,’ she stammered cagily ‘We’re good, anyways back in five!’ she rushed away with the wheeled chair and he was completely left bewildered.

What was wrong with his chair?

Good to her word Kasie was back with a new chair before Ellie was even out of the bathroom. When she did surface in fresh jeans, he observed her face blanch as she stood before the screen while Kasie described the multiple stab wounds and possible weapon, a long, non-serrated-edged blade, hunting knife most likely.

Ellie’s face grew paler by the second and she even squinted her eyes at the horrible crime scene pictures, pools and splatter of congealed blood, on car seats and on the pavement where the bodies lay, dark ruby red streaks soaked into the victim’s long blonde hair on screen. He heard her take some really long deep breaths. She looked like she was about to be sick. Ok, this case was _really_ getting to her.

‘B you ok?’ he asked delicately, she was probably all set to fire at him if he asked her that again.

‘Um yeah, just a migraine maybe. Gibbs, do you mind if I head home? This headache isn’t shifting’

It was only 4 pm, Ellie _never_ left early.

Gibbs gave her a quick but assessing look over, ‘Go, get some rest, see you tomorrow’

‘Bishop, you want me to drive you home?’ Mc Gee offered, noticing her pained expression.

‘No, I’m fine, I just need to lie down for a bit maybe’ she replied with a tight smile, already shutting down her computer.

‘Shall I walk you to your car?’ Nick had assumed his usual spot, leaning against the wall of her cubical, just now noting her jerky trembling hands as she roughly pushed her hair behind her ears.

‘No Torres! I’m fine, stop fussing ok!’ she dropped her tote bag onto her desk, her hands gripping the table edge and took a couple of deep breaths.

‘Ok’ he backed off, palms raised, chastised and surprised by her irate outburst. McGee and Gibbs just shrugged their shoulders almost simultaneously.

Ok, maybe he had been a little _over_ over-protective of her the past week or so, but he’d freely admit the case had him rattled. There was a weirdo knife-wielding attacker prowling around for god’s sake. He was just looking out for her, same as everyone else, right?

Who was he kidding? Ellie wasn’t _just_ a colleague. He worried about her _differently_ than everyone else.

After she went home, he trudged through more of the CCTV footage of the other attacks. The guy was clever, always attacking from behind in quiet but public places. The first victim, Kara Delaney had been attacked at her car outside the Navy Records offices, she had managed to drive almost a mile home before she became unconscious in her driveway. She was still critical. They had no footage of that attack but looking at her photo again Nick felt a shiver run up his spine.

Kara could be Ellie’s twin.

Going with his gut he texted Bishop, just to check-in, but the little ticks stayed grey.

So, he tried again, asking if she needed anything and the same, nothing.

He waited five minutes and called; this time it rang out and went to voice mail.

Nope, something had to be wrong, Ellie _always_ answered her phone.

‘Mc Gee, ping Bishop’s phone, will you?’ he couldn’t keep his anxious tone at bay, Tim noticed it immediately.

‘What? Nick what’s up?’ his face filled with searching concern.

‘Humour me, ok?’ he persuaded his friend, knowing this was slightly illegal…ish.

‘Ok...but if she hits the roof over this it was _your_ idea, _you_ forced me to do it!’ McGee clicked away at the keyboard at his usual super-speedy velocity. ‘Um, her phone is at her place’ McGee responded in a level-headed, irritatingly ‘I told you so’ voice, ‘Nick is everything ok?’

‘Ellie’s not answering her phone’ Nick muttered distractedly, he rolled his shoulders unable to dislodge the ball of tension building up.

‘Well maybe she put it on silent, she said she had a migraine’ McGee reasoned calmly.

‘Yeah maybe’ he was not convinced. ‘I’m um, look tell Gibbs I left early, he can ball me out tomorrow’

‘Ok, you're probably stressing over nothing though, it’s broad daylight. The attacks always happened after dark…’ Tim knew exactly where his mind was running.

‘Yeah, I know, look I’ll text you ok?’

Nick grabbed his gear and left with an inexplicable fear twisting in his gut, driving probably a tad faster than normal. When he pulled up at Ellie’s relief washed over him. There was her truck parked up in the usual place. He kicked himself for every wild exaggerated nightmare scenario he had imagined on the short drive over. As he walked by her truck, he noticed her driver window was left half-way open.

 _¡Dios mío!_ was she asking for her vehicle to be robbed?

He popped the unlocked door open to wind it up and his hand stalled. He froze.

Blood.

Lots of blood.


	2. Gut reaction

Blood.

Lots of it, all over the driver’s seat.

It was like someone poured gasoline onto the spark of fear in his belly. The breath left Nick’s body in a whoosh.

‘No, no, no, NO! _Ellie_!’

Adrenaline surged so fast he almost vomited, he could taste saliva thickening in his throat and beads of sweat trickled down between his shoulder blades. He sprinted to her door almost knocking over the little old lady who was just coming out of the main entrance of her building. Taking the stairs two at a time he reached her apartment door and noticed a smudge of blood on the cream paintwork just at her keyhole.

Something was behind that door and it was anything but good. He choked down the bile crawling up his throat.

He didn’t wait, he just shouldered through the door, bursting the lock and splintering the woodwork.

His eyes took in several things at once, the living room was dim, the curtains were drawn, the tv was off, a laundry basket at the door was filled with piles of red-soaked towels, sheets and clothes similarly crimson stained and on the sofa was a heap of a quilt with a blonde head just visible on a pillow.

And the heap was moving, groaning but moving.

‘ _Ellie!’_

‘Nick?’ Ellie moaned groggily. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘Ellie are you hurt, are you cut?’ his panicked voice sounded shrill to his ears as he crumpled to his knees beside the sofa. ‘Who hurt you, who did this?’ he desperately pulled at the blanket covering her and ran his hands over her chest and torso, hearing her grunt in pain as he rolled her body over to check her back and flanks for stab wounds.

‘Nick stop! It’s ok I'm not hurt!’ her hands tried to slap his own away.

‘But there’s blood everywhere, in your car…the towels-, Jesus! You're covered in blood!’ His shaking hands had run over her abdomen, and over her thighs and he looked down in horror at the warm dampness he encountered, his hand suddenly sticky, reddened with blood.

‘Fuck!’ she buried her face in her hands even as he stared at his own blood-stained palm.

‘Nick it’s not what you think, I’m sorry I scared you’ wrapping herself back up in the blanket tucking it in with her elbows. ‘Just...I’m ok, I’m fine it’s just… my period’.

She couldn’t look more mortified if she tried and she literally squirmed with embarrassment.

‘Ellie, you are not _fine_!’ he didn’t mean to snap but he really hadn’t gotten to grips with his panic yet. ‘I’m not an expert but this-,’ he waved his hands around encompassing the laundry basket and Ellie on the sofa still attempting to conceal the bloodstains with her quilt, ‘ _this,_ this is not normal’.

He got up agitatedly, adrenaline slowly waning as he took in that she hadn’t been stabbed at least. He walked over to the kitchen sink, concentrating on slowing his breathing, trying to get more air into his aching lungs. He washed his quivering hands, flinching as the water turned red, trying to figure out what the fuck was going on and how he could help.

‘Ok so, I’ll go to the store, there must be like _super_ pads or whatever that might be better? Just screenshot me the products you need…’

Her eyes widened initially in astonishment at his suggestion that he would buy ‘girl stuff’, but then she dipped her head, suddenly fixated on tugging at a long, loose thread on her cover.

‘Thanks, but I have everything like that but um, _this_ still happens’ she flapped her hand over the quilt.

He had a sister, and he had dated plenty of women, periods didn’t freak him out, unlike other dudes he knew. This was not just a normal period though if there was this much blood even with products. Coming back over and sitting on the coffee table he handed her a glass of water.

‘You need to see a doctor’ he told her firmly.

‘I have ok, I’m on medication. It’s just not working the last couple of days’

‘The last couple of- Ellie how long have you been like this?’

She looked down, her hair hanging forward like a veil hiding her face.

‘How long?’ he repeated doggedly.

‘A week or so this month’

‘Jesus Christ! I’m bringing you to the hospital’

‘Nick, I promise I’ll go back to the doctor tomorrow, I just need to sleep, I’m really tired’ she trailed off. He started pacing back and forth like a caged tiger and now he stopped and really looked at her. How had he missed the waxy tinge to her skin, the pale lips, the dark smudges under her eyes?

‘Ellie this isn’t normal, please let me bring you to the hospital, this is too much blood. You could pass out or something’.

He caught the guilty look that flashed over her face, ‘it only happened _once_ , yesterday in Kasie’s lab’ she assured him remorsefully as if that made it ok.

‘Fuck Ellie!’ he ran his hands through his hair in fear, what if she had been driving and that happened?

‘Look, I get you're embarrassed ok, I can call Kasie or Sloane to come over and bring you if that’ll make you feel better. But you are _going_ to the hospital even if I have to pick you up and carry you there myself!’ he told her resolutely.

She looked up at him and read his flinty expression. She knew he was absolutely serious. He had no qualms about hauling her up and out. He rolled his shoulders and made a play to prepare to manhandle her.

‘Ok ok, I’ll go, but no carrying or lifting Torres.’ she retorted in a sulk. She still didn’t move though, in fact, she started to look even whiter.

‘Ellie? Are you feeling faint?’ he felt her cheek and brow with the back of his hand; cold and clammy, that was bad right?

‘No, I’m just…I’m-, never mind’ she shook her head slightly, but he could see she was clenching her teeth keeping back whatever was on her mind.

_Stubborn, Jesus she was stubborn!_

‘What Ellie? Come on, talk to me’ he took the glass of water from her and held her cold hands within his own, raising his eyebrows, waiting until she caved and answered.

‘I’m scared Nick’ she whispered. He could see her chin wobble and her throat bobbed as she swallowed hard. ‘My aunt Linda died of cervical cancer and my cousin Laura had a hysterectomy at twenty-two for the same thing’.

Nick swallowed down the horrible fear he felt as the word ‘cancer’ hit him.

‘Ellie, ok, I get that you're afraid, but you can’t put this off. This is important, you need to find out what’s causing this amount of bleeding. So, do you want me to call one of the girls?’

‘No, it’s embarrassing enough! If you wouldn’t mind driving me, I’ll go to the hospital. I’m a little too dizzy to drive right now with all the pain meds I’ve taken’.

God, he hadn’t even considered how much cramping pain she must have been in the past few days.

‘So, it wasn’t migraines?’ he surmised, hoping that headaches weren’t an additional problem.

‘Nope’

‘And today with the coffee…?’

‘Kasie was covering for me, literally…I um, had to go change my clothes…’

He shook his head thinking about how much she must have been suffering while still managing to work.

‘How can I help?’

‘Um, maybe wait in the kitchen while I clean up here? Everything is just gross’ she groaned.

‘No, I’ll do that’

‘Nick!’ she pleaded, but he noticed even her usual blush was barely warming her cheeks. That worried him.

‘Will you just let me help B!’ it came out all blustery because he was trying so hard to keep the pleading, the fear, from his voice. ‘You did so much for me when I was in the hospital after the accident. And quit being embarrassed, I know you saw my pee in a bag hanging out of that bed and whatever other tubes they had hanging out of me! And I even puked on you that night I got drunk and turned up here after Reeves!’

‘You didn’t puke _on_ me, it just splashed on my shoes a bit!’

‘Whatever! Look, if it makes you feel better you can hold my hand when I need a prostate exam…ok that came out _all_ wrong, but you know what I mean right? Just let me help.’

‘Ok’ she snorted a little as she laughed and it broke the tension. ‘I guess I’m going to need a shower before I go’. She pulled back the quilt and he averted his eyes, but nothing could hide the red staining that had soaked through her grey jog-pants and onto the fabric of the couch cushion. She rolled her eyes skyward in embarrassment and disgust. Nick dashed into the bathroom and grabbed a navy towel.

‘Here’, he handed it to her and as she stood up and she wrapped it around her waist, it wasn’t much but it might help with upholding her dignity just a little. She wobbled a little and he grabbed her elbow to steady her up. ‘Can you manage to um…you're not feeling like passing out or anything?’

‘I feel crap but I’m ok’ he wasn’t about to argue with her, but he could see she was a little jelly-legged.

‘Ellie, lean on me and I’ll walk you to the bathroom at least and I’m here if you need me, so just holler’

‘Thanks Nick’ she squeezed his arm gratefully even as she tilted into him.

‘De nada chica!’

Once she was in the bathroom, after gathering all the fresh clothing items she needed from her room, he did a quick tidy up, removing the cushion, pulling a throw over the sofa, and adding the quilt to the laundry pile, carefully folding it so that the bloodstain was hidden. Looking in her open bedroom door he saw she had already stripped her bed, that was why she was probably on the couch he supposed. He checked he still had her spare key so that he could pop back later and clean up properly. the door was still functional but he'd need to fix that up better too.

Within an hour they were in the hospital but by then Nick’s hair was pretty much standing on end. She kept drifting off drowsily on the short drive. It was a close call whether he’d have to carry her into the emergency room she was so near to fainting. 

The triage nurse was efficient and very blunt. Of course, everyone took him for her partner as in _boyfriend_ , so he was left with her in the exam room whilst she lay on a trolley in a hospital issue gown, had vitals and bloods taken and fairly innocuous questions were fired at her.

Then it got real awkward real fast!

‘Are you pregnant Ms Bishop?’

 _Shit hadn’t thought of that!_ But then he didn’t think she and Richard had been that into each other…but what did he know? He’d been sleeping with Elena and he wasn’t _that_ into her, no matter how hard he tried to talk himself into being more into her than he knew he was.

‘No’

‘Is there any possibility you could be pregnant?’

 _Had she been on other dates?_ God, he didn’t want to know this stuff. Maybe he should wait outside?

‘No’

The triage nurse looked at Ellie and then caught _his_ eye, clearly believing they were like together together, the fact that he was kinda hovering right beside her with a fixed anxious face might have given the nurse the wrong impression.

‘No possibility at all, any sexual activity in the past ten months that could have led to pregnancy?’ she needled.

‘Not unless it was the immaculate conception!’ a very flustered Ellie snapped back.

Ok, so it was more than a little awkward to have to answer _that_ sex-life question in front of _him_. No commentary, smart-ass or otherwise, was offered. He was not a dick.

The nurse still ordered a HCG blood test just in case, apparently date-rape pregnancies were happening a lot, women having no recollection of even having sex. _That_ had never occurred to either of them. They both shared a look of absolute horror at the shit that was happening to women.

Not long after a young Asian OBGYN, Dr Aveen came in to discuss the bleeding in detail and do a full physical examination. Nick hastily excused himself.

After more tests, they waited together talking about mandatory training that was due at work and random summer plans until the doctor reappeared with her file in hand and a serious look on her face.

‘I should um…?’ he made a move towards the door.

‘Nick can you... will you stay, please?’. It took a lot for Ellie to ask for that, he knew she was tough, independent and resilient, but right now she just looked frightened.

‘Of course, B, whatever you want’ he sat his ass back down and gave her an encouraging smile.

‘Ms Bishop, I’ve reviewed your results and with your history of such prolonged and heavy bleeding, I’m recommending exploratory surgery this evening’.

‘What?’ Ellie’s hushed voice was shocked, she’d prepared herself but not enough apparently. Spontaneously she took hold of his hand and he gave her knuckles a reassuring rub.

‘Well, during your ultrasound we saw a mass in your uterus,’ Nick felt Ellie’s fingers clench onto his own. ‘I would hope that it’s a large fibroid causing the excessive bleeding and pain. There is however a very small possibility that it could be something more concerning. I know you have a maternal family history of that. So, my plan would be to take you to surgery now, remove the mass but if you agree I would like your consent to continue to a more radical surgery should the lesion appear sinister’.

‘So, you're saying a hysterectomy?’ Ellie’s voice faltered and his stomach clenched.

‘Yes, but that would be the _absolute_ worst-case scenario, I would attempt other options first but I really think we are dealing with a fibroid. I’ll be back in a little while to go through the surgery before you sign the consent. Perhaps you and your partner can chat about any questions you both may have, and I’ll answer them as best I can then. In the meantime, you are quite anaemic so I’m ordering a transfusion of a couple of units of blood and some IV fluids as your blood pressure is lower than I’d like pre-op’

As the doctor left Ellie’s grip didn’t change on his hand, she hadn’t even mentioned he wasn’t her partner in _that_ sense, she seemed in a trance as if she has retreated inside of herself.

‘Ellie?’ he asked tentatively, covering their still joined hands with his other.

‘I’m ok, I just...’ her words trailed off, her eyes vacant as she processed everything.

‘Do you want to call your mom?’ he asked. Her mom could help, would know what to say better than he ever could.

‘Erm yeah,’ she answered gratefully, nodding her head as he pulled her phone out of her go-bag and watched as she scrolled to the number with trembling fingers, swiping a stray tear that ran down her cheek with the back of her hand. He silently handed her the box of tissues from the exam trolley and gave her a supportive smile, whatever the fuck one of those was!

He left the room while Ellie sobbed down the phone to her mom. He had never seen her like this. Ellie Bishop was never afraid, and she looked terrified right now. His own stomach was scrunched into a tight ball of tension.

‘Nick?’ she called him after a few minutes, her voice louder than the hushed conversation she’d been having with her mom.

‘Hey, you ok?’ he tapped and entered apprehensively, her eyes were raw red and her cheeks damp from crying.

‘Um yeah, my mom just wants to talk to you, is that ok?’ she asked hesitantly.

‘Sure B’ he took the proffered phone and nervously introduced himself.

‘Hi Mrs Bishop, this is Nick Torres, Ellie’s work partner’

‘Hi Nick, it’s nice to finally talk to you and it’s Barbara, please. Can you step away from Eleanor so we can speak freely?’ he did as he was asked even as Ellie gave him a thin-lipped, peevish frown.

Pissed off Bishop he could handle, the scared one broke his heart.

‘How is she holding up really? Do I need to get a flight?’ her mom was direct and to the point.

‘She’s ok, a little shellshocked maybe’ he answered as honestly as he could. Ellie hadn’t said much yet about how she was coping.

‘And she’s going to surgery now?’

‘Yes ma’am, Barbara’ he corrected himself, more than a little flustered with her voice sounding so like Bishop’s. ‘The nurse said she should be going down in the next hour’.

‘You’ll stay with her Nick.’ It wasn’t really a question, more of a statement.

‘I’ll be with her every step of the way’ he vowed faithfully without hesitation.

‘Yeah, that’s what I thought’ she replied cryptically. ‘Ok then, I’m trusting you with my daughter Nick. Call me as soon as there’s news’. He promised he would, not really understanding how this soft-spoken woman who he’d never met could have him standing to attention as she dished orders more effectively than a balling out by Gibbs going full drill sergeant.

He was quite sure if she told him to, he would drop and give her twenty!

‘Thank you, Nick, for looking after her. We'd love to have you for a visit, to say a proper thank you, next time Eleanor comes home'

'Erm ok,' he stammered out, seriously on the backfoot.

'Can you put the stubborn one back on please?’ she finished dryly.

He walked back into the room and passed the phone back to an extremely huffy looking Ellie.

‘About done grilling Nick?’ she nipped at her mom, silently mouthing an apology at him while still listening to her call. ‘Mm hum… Ok, well I’ll call you tomorrow mom, goodnight, love you’. She hung up and settled herself better on her pillows. She seemed less fragile after talking to her mom.

‘How are you doing?’ he asked carefully, flopping into the winged chair beside her bed.

‘Yeah, fine’ she chirped, all business again. ‘So firstly, can you let Gibbs know I’m ill, maybe just fudge the details, I'll send HR an email, and can you hand over those files on my desk with the blue post-its to Tim-,’

‘Ellie, work can wait, are _you_ ok?’ he probed. He knew she was deflecting, fuck he was an expert at that tactic when shit got real. While he did that with comedy she did it with organisational efficiency. 

‘I…I um…Nick what if it’s c-,?’ she blurted, her fingers that she had been using to count out her ‘to do’ list suddenly balled into shaking fists.

He held up his hand to cut her off, ‘the doctor said that’s worst-case B, let’s wait and see, ok?’

He watched as she repeatedly swallowed, her throat dry, but he couldn’t even offer her a drink as she was fasting now for surgery. ‘What if I can never have kids?’ she quavered, her voice barely above a whisper.

‘Jumping the gun again, but there are lots of ways to have a family Ellie’ He tried reassurance hoping his words would not sound like a trivial brush-off of her genuine fears.

‘I want a baby, my baby. I put it off with Jake and then things just never worked out with anyone else and now it’s probably too late-,’ he could hear the escalating panic rattling her voice.

‘Ellie, we’ll figure it out ok’ he took hold of her hands again, his calloused thumb rubbing her soft knuckles until her breathing evened out again.

‘We?’

He flicked a glance to her eyes but baulked, concentrating instead on how she bit her pale lower lip nervously.

‘Yeah’, he cleared his throat knowing he’d probably said too much, too soon, too fast, with too much going on. ‘I mean _you_ , you’ll figure it out but I’m here for you, I know that sounds lame but believe me ok? I’m also available, you know, I’ve read the manual… I can provide technical assistance with uploading and installing anything you want… I have all the necessary hardware’ he winked outrageously. 

‘Nick!’ she threw back her head laughing at his cheesy line, they both did, but they didn’t let go of each other’s hand either.

They talked about work and stuff until he was clutching at straws trying to keep her mind occupied until the doctor came back and Ellie signed off all the paperwork just wanting to get on with it. Before he knew it she was surrounded by nurses and attendants in scrubs getting ready to move her to surgery.

‘I’ll be here when you get back’ he promised, fear seeping through his chest.

‘Thanks Nick’ she was chewing on her lower lip again; he couldn’t blame her for being nervous.

Impulsively he bent forward and kissed her lingeringly on her forehead.

‘It’ll be ok, cariño’

Letting go of her hand was the hardest thing he had ever done.


	3. No guts no glory

He didn’t know what way to feel. What if it was cancer? Could he go through all that again? He had been deeply in love with Sofia and her illness, her death had nearly killed him too.

Ellie was his best friend - who was he kidding with that crap!? She was _way_ more than that, had been for a long time only he was too screwed up to figure it all out. It was always one step forward and his two steps back between them.

He had no idea how she felt about him.

He hadn’t dated anyone since Elena, or his car accident. That was only last month, fuck his ribs _still_ ached in the mornings and Ellie had chewed him out for pushing himself when he came back to work, yeah too soon because he was an idiot.

So, ok she _worried_ about him.

But he kept thinking back to how they had held hands while he was in that hospital bed. That wasn’t friends…that felt like _more_ …it meant more to him anyways. He had happily risked his life for her, pushing her out of the way of that car was instinctive, an innate response, an uncontrollable need to protect _her_ from harm.

He had heard about how she had gone all mama-bear after the accident, ripping through nurses, Vance, even a shit load of Russians!

God, he loved how ballsy she could be!

He would’ve done the same if someone had hurt her, hell he’d happily do time if he had to, to keep her safe. Picking up on a couple of comments McGee had made, Nick guessed Ellie had come close to doing something questionable too, retaliation, a payback or something for his injuries; all for him.

Over-protective worked both ways between them apparently.

But there was nothing he could do to keep her safe now.

He just had to sit here in this stupid-ass mint green room, as fear tortured his guts, churning his stomach in tense cramps, watching as the minutes ticked by on the annoyingly loud clock on the wall and just wait for her. That’s what he’d do though. He’d wait for her because there was nobody else in the world as important to him as Ellie Bishop even though _she_ didn’t know that.

He loved her.

His job now was to walk with her through this, be there for her and help her pick up the pieces if it went bad in any way he could.

For the first time in years, he said a quiet prayer, talking to his grandmama who had passed many years ago but had always had the warmest hugs, the sharpest tongue and the best words of wisdom and comfort in a crisis. She had helped him after Sofia, and she had promised she would always listen out for him and help when she could.

Nick shook his head in disbelief as only minutes later a very drowsy Ellie was wheeled back in after only a couple of hours. Once settled with all her drips and vitals taken and they were alone Nick kissed her forehead again. He needed even the brief contact between them, to reassure himself she was ok and maybe she needed it too he thought as Ellie squeezed his hand and interlaced her fingers with his before falling back to sleep again. He dropped a quick texted update to her mom, promising more info as they had it.

It was only a short nap, Dr Aveen popped in after about an hour and Ellie woke up to her voice, Nick helping to fix her pillows while she raised the head of the bed with the controls.

‘Ok guys well good news. Fibroid as expected, large but removable with minimal excision of uterine tissue. I did a D&C while I was there so that should reduce further heavy periods. I will write you up for a new tranexamic acid regime just in case’.

‘Not cancer?’ Ellie whispered, disbelief and relief plain to hear, her breath caught in hiccupping silent sobs.

‘Not cancer, though we did take a tissue sample to be 100% I don’t see it being an issue’ she waited until the Ellie had caught her breath before she continued.

‘A word of advice and warning however, if you want to have a child, don’t put it off for too long. You're thirty-six, fibroids often grow back, and further surgery can weaken the uterine wall, it would make any pregnancy at that point _risky_. But if you decide to go ahead on that front, wait a couple of weeks before having gentle sex with protection and about eight weeks before actively trying to conceive’ she advised candidly.

Ellie just nodded mutely, her face roaring red. His own was pretty much on fire too as he thanked the doctor, Ellie still at a loss for words apparently.

The doctor gave the ok for her to go home the next day as long as someone stayed with her for 48hours in case of further haemorrhage, Nick volunteered before Ellie could even begin to object. Once the doctor left the room and they were alone he saw the beginnings of a full-on ‘Ellie cringe-fest’. She was fairly pumped up on pain meds, her voice slurring slightly as she tried repeatedly and expressively to apologise for not correcting the doctor on his work/friend/colleague/partner status and that he had been subjected to _that_ medical reproductive advice.

‘B, not even remotely important, come on, it’s all good news’.

‘Yeah but, _oh my god_!’ she covered her face again with her hands, sucking in her breath in discomfort as the movement tugged on her IV line. ‘Can we like _never_ talk about this- any of _that_ again?’

‘Whatever you want B’ he answered with his customary playful smirk but inside he was unexpectedly more than a little disappointed she had been so horrified at the idea of them being together, planning stuff like that.

But it wasn’t about him now.

After the blushing subsided, he could see that the blood transfusions had brought some of her natural colour back though she still looked exhausted. She was also woozy as hell, the pumped PCA morphine being a new experience for her. He remembered his own totally spaced-out reaction to the strong painkillers when he was just out of surgery. With a grimace of discomfort even in her drowsy state, she turned on her side and snuggled into the pillow. A nurse popped in to check her vitals again and pointed out that Ellie needed her rest and that visiting time was over for non-critical patients. He waited until he was sure she was comfortable and had drifted off to sleep.

‘Ellie, I’m going to head home for a couple of hours and let you sleep’. He pulled up the blanket and tucked it in around her shoulder. ‘I’ll be back in the morning with some clothes and things for you’ she probably didn’t hear him, but he told her anyway.

He smoothed her hair back, combing her pale blonde back behind her ear, just how she liked it, and gave her a soft kiss on her cheek. Her eyes fluttered but she was asleep already.

‘Goodnight cariño’

‘Night, Nick, love you’ her lips mumbled as she sighed into another snooze.

_She was asleep, right?_

‘I love you too B’ he whispered back, not wanting to wake her.

He almost floated out of the hospital.

Yeah, she was post-op, exhausted, high on analgesia and doped out on anaesthesia but she had said ‘love you’. Somewhere way, _way_ down deep that was Ellie talking, maybe, he decided he’d run with it...either way it gave him hope.

Even though it was really late he called to let Barbara know what the doctor said, well about the surgery anyways, and that Ellie was sleeping comfortably. He drove back to her apartment and started in on the clean-up. He washed everything in the basket with the prewash stain remover he had picked up in the store on his way. He had bought some super safe fabric cleaner for the sofa too. The cushion had to be soaked in the bathtub for a while and a little elbow grease was needed but after a couple of hours, it was good as new, though still damp and probably would be for a day or two.

All the while as he sluiced out the fabric and loaded the washing machine, he had to steel himself. This was Ellie's blood, he wasn’t queasy about blood at all, it was the ‘Ellie’ part that freaked him out. Today was too close a call. It was time to stop fucking about, it was time to man up and stop wasting _time_. His Abuela always said tomorrow was promised to nobody. A car accident, a stray bullet, a mad weirdo attacker or illness; the _how_ didn’t matter. They both worked a dangerous job. He needed to get his head out of his ass before it was too late.

By the time all the laundry had been tumble-dried, he had made up the bed fresh and had everything else folded, it was well after 3 am. He was too tired to head home so he hoped she wouldn’t mind if he lay down on her bed, the sofa being out of commission. He didn’t get under the sheets, that would be completely inappropriate in his eyes but he fell fast asleep surrounded by the soft floral scent that was uniquely Ellie as he rested his head into one of her pillows, with a pretty decorative throw tossed over him.

Waking a little confused but feeling better than he had in weeks he packed a bag for Ellie, jog pants, a hoodie and some underwear, trying really hard not to think about _those_ items and picking out the most utilitarian-looking items from her fresh laundry pile. She had her go-bag with her, but he packed some toiletries from her bathroom too.

He headed home for a shower, clothes change and to pack his own bag. She needed him with her for 48hours, two nights. He could do that.

He called Gibbs explaining he was taking a couple of days leave to care for Bishop. He had left it fairly vague saying that she had had a procedure, that she was ok and that she would discuss what was needed to be discussed when she was up to it.

Gibbs, in typical Gibbs style just growled back ‘look after our girl Torres, shout if you need anything’.

Nick had only parked in the hospital and was queuing at the inhouse bakery when he got the text from her.

‘Hey you! I’m starving, can you pick me up something nice, please?’

‘Already on it, B’ he texted back with a winky emoji, his heart lifting; his Ellie, the permanently hungry Ellie was obviously much better!

He went for her favourites; chocolate chip muffin, cinnamon dough-balls and a ridiculous foo-foo named something frappy-choco-cappi-latte-chino coffee-ish beverage.

As soon as he walked into her room her face lit up. ‘Food! yum, gimme gimme!!’ doing the grabby-hand movements to speed him up.

‘What, they didn’t feed you this morning?’ he asked smiling at her enthusiasm for treats and not feeling the least put out that he came in a hard second, way behind the food in her eyes.

‘Yeah at like 7 am, fruit and toast, like come on, growing girl here! Oh my god, Nick, you are heaven sent!’ she mumbled blissfully around a mouthful of muffin.

‘So, you're feeling better huh?’ he noticed all her IVs were down and the strained look of discomfort was gone from her face.

‘Yeah much, these pain meds are so cool and I had like a proper sleep so I feel a lot better. Nick, I can’t thank you enough for yesterday, I was about ready to completely freak out and you being here, which must have been …urgh, I can’t even _begin_ to think how awkward it must have been for you-,’

‘Ellie, it’s cool. I’m um, glad I was here for you’

‘Well thank you but seriously once you drop me home when I get discharged, I’ll be fine by myself I don’t want to inconvenience you any more than I already probably have.’

‘I’ve already cleared it with Gibbs. And you could never be an inconvenience to me’.

They stared back at each other for what seemed like hours until she finally dropped her gaze. Her eyes flicked nervously between him and her bag of dough balls.

‘Nick, I-,’ she tried to protest again.

‘You're stuck with me. I’m staying with you as per doctor’s orders B. Unless you want someone else to stay with you? That’s ok if you do, of course, maybe Kasie or…’ he scrambled realising he had probably outstayed or overstepped already.

‘Nick’ she laid her hand on his forearm to break off his tirade ‘if you’ve got the ok from work and if you _really_ don’t mind then thank you.’

‘Ok then that’s decided. Next big question…old movies or Netflix binge?’ he asked snagging one of the cinnamon, sugar-coated treats while she was thinking and popping it in his mouth before she could protect her hoard. Her faux-affronted face was so adorable.

She got discharged mid-afternoon after another review by Dr Aveen. Nick discreetly made himself scarce so Ellie could ask anything private or delicate and he had already heard quite enough of her personal stuff!

When he came back to the room, she was dressed but the effort had left her pale again and a sheen of sweat shone on her brow. Her earlier bravado had faded.

‘Come on let’s get you home, a couple of hours R&R before dinner and you’ll feel better. You need to rest Ellie, slow down. Isn’t that what you told me?’ he asked her archly.

‘Yeah doesn’t sound so good being said back to me!’ she grizzled sourly.

‘Suck it up buttercup, doctor’s orders, rest, rest and more rest’

They picked up her prescription on the way home and some groceries, Nick offered to cook something nutritious while she took a nap. She needed building up, even with the iron tablets, so he decided on lasagne, roasted herby potatoes and steamed broccoli. He knew there wasn’t a hope of getting a protein shake into her. While she was sleeping, he cleaned her car too; luckily the seat covering was a synthetic vinyl so it didn’t take too long to have it good as new.

She woke up just after six, walking out of the bedroom all tousled and gorgeous. He noted how she moved gingerly, and he handed her the pain medicines with a glass of water. He shooed her out of the kitchen, firmly refusing her offers to help and supervising her to the sofa. He wanted to give the analgesia time to work before their meal so she watched the news while he delayed on finishing up cooking. They often got take-out together, eating straight out of the boxes but as they sat side by side at the kitchen table to eat, all set with tablemats and napkins and him stressing that the tealight might have been a little too much, it seemed more homely, cosy and it was …nice, like something he really wanted to get used to.

After he washed up the dishes, they lounged together on the sofa, the three-seater currently only a two-seater as the end cushion was still damp and was airing against the radiator. It meant they sat snuggled up against each other, her head resting against his shoulder, as they watched a few episodes of the first season of ‘ _Lucifer_ ’, a completely different show than he was expecting but they both laughed at the eponymous character’s crazy antics. Nick enjoyed the evening a lot, he’d even picked up a few devilishly provocative and naughty lines from the show that he stored up to use on Ellie one day.

When her yawns threatened to crack her jaws, Nick ordered her to bed.

‘Ok yeah I’m tired…and a bit sore’ she added squishing up her face.

‘Ellie, you should have said!’

‘I was enjoying sitting here with you, it was fun!’ she shrugged though he could see her pinched expression as she adjusted herself on the sofa.

‘Come on let’s get your meds sorted, then bathroom, then bed’

‘What about you?’

‘What about me?’

‘No, I mean you're coming too right? You can’t sleep here, the sofa isn’t an option’ she nodded towards the missing cushion.

‘I’ll be fine, I’ve spent years catching Zs in every imaginable position. Slouching here will be fine’.

‘Nope,’ she shook her head adamantly.

‘Nope?’

‘No way Nick, you're only a few weeks over the crash you need to be comfortable. So, it’s either share my bed or you’ll have to go home to your own’ she crossed her arms obstinately, eyeballing him until he made a decision.

‘You're _ordering_ me into your bed?’ he narrowed his eyes taunting her but checking out how serious she actually was.

‘Yup,’ she nodded a sharp determined affirmative.

‘Well that’s a first!’ he chuckled, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets to hide both his stupid delight and extreme nervousness. ‘I like this bossy Bishop!’ he teased, though he knew it was _his_ face on fire.

‘Shut up’ she back slapped his shoulder, rolling her eyes, but her face lit with a goofy grin, probably because she had finally caught him out on a blush.

Even though Nick knew absolutely nothing was going to happen between them it was still weird as fuck to be getting into bed with Ellie, in tee-shirt and boxers, also weird as hell but essential. He knew she would fall asleep fairly quickly having taken her pain meds but it was nice just lying there, at a respectful distance, knowing she was right there beside him. It was mind-boggling how things between them had changed since only yesterday.

A while passed after she’d switched out the bedside lamp and their small talk dwindled but as he lay on his side he was still watching her. She was quiet but he knew she wasn’t asleep, the light from the street reflected on her open eyes as she stared up at the ceiling and he heard her muffled sigh.

‘Bishop, I can literally hear the cogs turning in your head with all that heavy-duty thinking going on, spill’.

‘Sorry, I’m fine, just mulling over some stuff, I guess. Go asleep, you must be tired’

‘Ellie come on, something’s bothering you, you know you can tell me anything…I think we’re past the point of being embarrassed about stuff, right?’ he badgered her.

Another huffed out long breath ensued, her fingers combing her long hair back from her face.

‘Tick tock biological clock’ she finally muttered, ‘I never thought about it much before but the past couple of days really spooked me I guess’ she confessed, blowing her cheeks out and whistling out.

‘My offer still stands, with the technical support’ he was deflecting with humour again, but he was worried too. He hadn’t liked the way the doctor had stressed delaying would be ‘ _risky_ ’.

‘Thanks’ she answered wryly, ‘I’ll bear that in mind’ she snorted a laugh. A couple of minutes went by and he thought maybe she had drifted off but she picked where she had left it. ‘But I’m not just looking for a baby daddy. I had hoped for a family package deal, you know?’

‘Me too’

‘You too what?’

‘A family package deal, I want that’ he clarified, even as he gulped down his trepidation, they were edging dangerously close to full disclosure.

‘I hope you meet your someone, and it all works out for you, Nick’ she replied sincerely.

‘I already have, but I may have fucked it up. I haven’t had the balls to tell her that I love her and that she’s my family already’

‘I’m sure you and Elena can still fix it up if you just tell her how you feel?’ she suggested a little too helpfully.

‘What? _No_!’

_Fuck, she thinks I’m hung up on Elena?!_

‘I’m not talking about her’. He rolled his eyes heavenwards looking for divine courage to just say the words. ‘We broke up because I was interested in someone else’

‘Oh,’ she replied noncommittally. He waited for her expected follow-up questions but nothing came so clearing his throat he continued.

‘We started out as friends, but there’s always been this something between us and now, well for a while actually, I know for sure how I feel’

‘That’s nice…I um, didn’t know you were dating again’ she murmured dolefully.

‘Jesus Bishop! Those meds must be strong!’. It just erupted out of him, his nerves, his exasperation at always being so damn tongue-tied around her, his need to let her know.

The meds had to be the reason the smartest woman he had ever met was being this _dim_!

She just sucked in a sharp breath. Silence.

_Fuck!_

He was hoping for a whole different kind of tongue lashing than the one he was probably about to get for pissing her off with his ridiculous outburst.

He had to fix it. No guts no glory, right?

‘I’m _trying_ to tell you that it’s _you_!’ he tutted, tapping her gently on the elbow.

‘You, who? Wait what?’ she choked out as she abruptly sat up but flinched back with a hiss of pain.

‘Whoa! Ellie don’t, relax ok!’ he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and gently helped her ease her frame back down onto the bed and put his other hand over hers as she lightly pressed on her tummy, her breath still hitching with discomfort. Both their hands continued in calming circular movements, eventually soothing away the pain.

‘Sorry shit, that came out all wrong. Look you don’t have to say anything ok; I just need to tell you out loud that I love you’ he babbled out in a rush before he could it fuck up or change his mind.

He had said it now.

‘You _love_ me?’ she echoed his words slowly and deliberately, though she evidently didn’t believe him.

‘Yeah, I _love_ you. Ellie, I can’t be _terrified_ of losing you and _terrified_ of telling you how I feel at the same time’. He took a deep breath, ‘But I’m _more_ scared of losing you so…’.

She rolled herself slightly onto her side so they were facing each other in the dark. Her hand slipped up onto his face, ‘Nick…is this true’ he could still hear the doubt in her voice.

‘Always the truth from me, Ellie’. His lungs deflated with a sigh, his eyes closing with her gentle touch.

He felt relieved that he had finally said what he had caged in his heart for months, but as the seconds slipped by, with her continued silence, alarm constricted his chest.

_Well, this has rapidly gone all fucked up and pear-shaped!_

Immediate damage control was critical.

‘I’m sorry B, you're tired and sore. Try get some sleep, this probably wasn’t the best time to bring it up. My timing sucks’ he rebuked himself, she didn’t need his crap right now.

_Fuck Torres, you idiot!_

‘Nick-,’

‘Forget what I said ok, it’s been an intense couple of days-,’

‘Nick!’ she barked, interrupting the flow of his squirming retraction.

‘What?’ he sniffed dejectedly, mentally cursing himself colourfully for ever opening his mouth about any of his feelings.

‘Shut up already!’ she ordered, pulling him closer.

And then her lips were on his, a proper kiss that escalated quickly into something hungry and passionate as her tongue met his, dipping deeper into his mouth, teasing and promising with each flick and lick, with each taste and suck. His heart thundered in his chest as it dawned on him that this was really, finally, happening. He was making out with Ellie and he poured his heart into his kisses, his fingers combing through her hair as he lavished his mouth on her jaw, her neck and back to those amazing lips.

Kissing, smooching, snogging they did it all until eventually they were just slowly and sensually touching lips, the lessening of the initial heat revealing the new intimacy between them. Their heads now shared the same pillow, she was so close; their breath mingled, and he dropped his head to meet her forehead, his eyes squeezed shut in the darkness, nervous tension still coursing through his body. Her fingers still braced at the nape of his neck, her little caresses brushing the short hairs there back and forth sending shooting fireworks down his spine. Her other hand was firmly stuck to the skin of his hip, her fingers just skirting beneath the elastic band of his boxers, her thumb just massaging ridge of his oblique.

His boy was at full mast but there wasn’t much he could do to reduce that problem even with a stern stand down order when Ellie was pretty much glued to him. She didn’t seem offended by it though.

Even though she had pyjamas on, he loved the feel of their legs all tangled up together. And having her in his arms left him lost for words.

He felt her hand slip along his jawline, heard the rasp of his stubble as she scratched her nails over his chin, running her fingertips over his lips and leaning in she placed a delicate kiss.

‘I love you too’ she kissed him again.

‘Really?’ Raw vulnerability made him ask. Kissing was one thing, a _really_ great thing, but the words meant everything.

‘Yeah, really!’ she teased like duh! ‘I should have told you after the accident, seeing you like that really scared me, Nick. I was like out of my mind, so afraid I’d lose you. When you woke up, I thought we, that things, had changed between us but then we were back at work and everything just slipped back to normal and I told myself I’d seen something that wasn’t really there. I didn’t sleep right for weeks though, still seeing you in that coma, tubes and drips and drains and you not really there and I lost it Nick, I knew then how I felt about you but…’

‘But I gave you no clue how I felt and so we’ve both been miserable, both moping for each other, for what weeks, months?’

‘Something like that’ the way she said it screamed her feelings had been matching his own for a _long_ time.

‘Jesus I’m fucking clueless!’ a low groan escaped him as he buried his head in the crook of her neck as he mentally berated himself. He had wasted so much time when he could’ve had _this_ , all he had to do was stop being the smart-ass clown and man up!

‘Yeah well that makes us a couple of idiots, huh?’ she started laughing and kissed the crown of his head.

‘So, you're saying it makes us a _couple_?’ he pushed, he’d gone this far, fuck it, all on the line, all in.

‘Yeah, if you want’ she nodded shyly her nose brushing against his cheek.

‘Yes I want!’ he blurted enthusiastically, so glad of the dimness in the room as he was totally unable to keep the goofy smile from his face.

‘I want it all Ellie; you and me, kids whatever way we can’ he peppered each word with a kiss until she was giggling.

Brushing his thumb over her lips he sobered up and got serious, she needed to know he was… damaged, but he really wanted to be not broken anymore.

‘Ellie, I want you, I want _us_ , but old habits die hard, I’ve been on my own a long time. It’s taken me years to reassemble the fragments of myself back together after being undercover for so long. If I’m honest I’m still a work in progress. I’ve never really let anyone in, except you, and _this_ is scary for me, because with you it’s real’.

‘It’s scary for me too Nick’

‘Would it be ok, like would you mind if we took our time, date properly and you know, learn to be together in a real relationship I guess, not just friends. I want this to work Ellie, you and me. I don’t want to fuck this up’.

‘That sounds perfect Nick’

‘So we’re doing this?’

‘Yeah, we're doing this’ she assured him as she interlaced her fingers with his and pulled them to her mouth, kissing his thumb slowly until a rumbling growl vibrated through his chest.

‘You know I'm going to say this all again to you in the morning?’

‘Huh?’ she yawned but shook herself trying to stay awake.

‘Ellie, you're on a shit load of meds, you could be tripping, high as a kite and I'm just lapping up your every word. So, if you don’t mind, I’m going to tell you I love you again in the morning’

‘I don’t mind Nick, in fact, I think we should make it the first rule of our relationship, we should say ‘I love you’ last thing at night and first thing every morning’ she suggested already snuggling in against his chest.

‘I love you Ellie’ he whispered placing a kiss on her hair and wrapping his arm around her shoulder.

‘I love you Nick’ she muttered back followed by a light snore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So its an ickie, TMI alert!  
> Ok so super heavy periods, menorrhagia, is a thing in my family. Each of the events above regarding accidental floods has happened either to me or my sisters, including frequent embarrassing workplace, public and at home sofa/mattress ruining episodes.  
> (Thank god we nurses no longer have to wear the white dresses we did back in the day, talk about stress!!!)  
> We've been prodded, probed, been disbelieved by doctors until they saw evidence (!) and had surgeries. My sister decided to have the hysterectomy after she flooded the dentist's chair and just couldn't deal with it anymore. I'm younger but thinking about it. Uterine cancer also runs in the family, my nan died at 42 of it, so doctors tend to lurch towards that diagnosis, we've been lucky tho.  
> Please ladies, if in doubt- get checked out!  
> My husband is and has always been, even when we were just starting to date, just like Nick, he is the best, nothing fazes him (not even the triage questions and dr advice...that actually happened when I knew him like a month!) except when we ran the 'risky' risk while I was pregnant. Scary times but it worked out so yay!
> 
> This fic was going to end here but I've decided to carry it on amalgamating it with another story I had brewing...so next chapter might be a little while but it's coming!  
> Thanks!


	4. Spilling your guts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the extremely long interval between the first part of this fic and these new chapters coming up, other fics got in the way!!  
> I strongly advise going back and reading from Chapter 1 again, its a case-related story!

It took a couple of seconds for him to realise the booming noise that had jolted him out of an incredibly comfortable sleep was someone hammering on the front door. A nanosecond later it dawned on him that Ellie was curled up against him, still completely out for the count, her face smushed into his chest, his grey tee-shirt showing a little pool of dampness where she’d drooled on him.

 _God, she’s beautiful!_ he exulted, his heart racing as he rehashed all that had been said before they’d fallen asleep _together!_

Carefully he lifted his arm from around her and untangled his legs getting little more than a subconscious grumble of dissatisfaction when he moved away from her and slipped from the bed. The knocking continued but now with the added commotion of Kasie hollering out.

‘Bishop! Open the goddamn door or I’m calling 911!’

_Shit!_

They hadn’t discussed whether they’d go public with their _very_ new relationship and fuck, he wasn’t even sure she’d remember everything or _anything_ they’d said last night, so erring on the side of extreme caution, he briskly pulled on his jog pants, tossed a pillow and throw on the partial sofa and hauled open the door to find a frazzled-looking Kasie, phone in hand, fist raised ready to knock again.

‘Kase, shush! You’ll wake Bishop, what’s up?’ he hissed, letting her in and motioning for her to lower the volume.

‘Torres, what are you-? You know what, never mind, I can see what you’re doing here’ she smirked pointing at his obvious sleepy-headed turnout.

‘What? Noooo, Kasie, nothing like that! Yes, I stayed over, Gibbs’s orders, and on the couch’ he pointed to the dishevelled pile of bedding, interrupting her smart comment before she even managed to blurt it out.

‘Is she ok? I got a couple of garbled texts from her yesterday and then nothing’ she whispered hoarsely, nodding towards the closed bedroom door.

‘She had a procedure that went well and has been on some really strong meds. She must have let her phone go flat’.

‘So, you talked her into going to the hospital, huh? Should have known she’d listen to _you_ ’ she tutted in exasperation. ‘I’ve been telling her she needed to go since last week!’

‘I just happened to be here when she needed a lift to the hospital’ he placated her innocently but his stomach churned at the idea that Ellie had been suffering for so long without telling him.

‘Um-hum’ she hummed sceptically grilling him with an eyeballing stare.

‘Anyhow, now you're here, I can go to the bakery and get some fancy pastries for us,’ he offered pulling on his trainers, ‘she’s still fast asleep-,’

‘And how do you know _that_?’ she asked teasingly, her eyebrow arched suspiciously maybe not falling for the ‘I slept on the couch’ story after all!

‘You can’t hear that snoring?’ he smirked back, rolling his eyes theatrically. ‘Don’t let her out of bed. She needs rest but she’ll argue she’s fine, and if she’s looking for her painkillers it’s those ones there’ she pointed to the pack on the counter. ‘It’s been, wow, _ten_ hours since her last dose so she’ll probably be really sore’ he sat back worried, ‘maybe I should-?’

‘Relax Nurse Nick,’ she snorted, ‘go, get her some treats, I’ll stick the coffee pot on and check in on her’ she reassured him, throwing her tote bag on the sofa. When he still didn’t move, conflicted about trusting anyone else with Ellie’s care she shooed him out and he reckoned he’d done enough to push the whole just a concerned friend thing. It was totally normal for a colleague to care for a sick partner, no strings attached, right?

When he got back Ellie was sitting on the sofa wrapped in a duvet chatting with Kasie who merely shrugged her shoulders defeatedly to his ‘what the hell’ gesture.

‘Good luck with that Torres! She is one stubborn-ass patient!’ she sniggered as he walked her out after her visit. ‘Call me if you need a break or she needs …um, _anything_ from the pharmacy’ she added delicately.

‘It’s ok Kase, I can pick up whatever she needs’ he replied nonchalantly and Kasie did an appraising double-take, her eyebrows raised as she gave him an approving nod.

‘Then I’ll leave her in your capable hands, Torres, you two seemed to have it all worked out, huh?’ she noted shrewdly but he felt microscopically probed by the woman’s clever eyes. He wasn’t sure what Ellie had or hadn’t said while he was out, so he just brushed off the comment and promised to be in touch.

Rubbing the back of his neck self-consciously he strolled back into the living room, smiling a little as he watched Ellie lick the last vestiges of chocolate off her fingers having demolished three pain-au-chocolates and an Austrian strudel.

‘How are you feeling? The meds kicking in yet?’ He had noticed her wincing each time she leaned forward to pick up her coffee from the table while Kasie was there.

‘Yeah, much better thanks’ she beamed as she brushed the crumbs off her lap and scooped them onto her plate.

He dithered about, anxiously fidgeting with the tassels on sofa throw not really knowing where to start. ‘So, did you sleep ok?’ he asked tentatively, hoping _she_ might say something about the night before so he didn’t have to.

‘Yeah, I _completely_ zonked! Those pain medications are heavy!’ she puffed out her cheeks dramatically, ‘You?’

‘Good, I- yeah, I slept really well’ he nodded politely even as his heart deflated. So, it was all just the meds…

_Fuck, this is awkward!_

‘Well, time to go back to bed’ she yawned stretching her arms up gingerly, her top riding up so he could just glimpse the surgical dressings on her lower abdomen from her laparoscopic surgery and he rebuked himself for expecting anything else. She’d had more important things on her mind!

‘Ok sure,’ he muttered dolefully, gathering up the coffee cups and heading to the kitchen to wash up.

‘Nick?’

‘Yeah’ he asked without turning around, doggedly fixating on scrubbing out the mugs like they were contaminated with anthrax, anything to not let her see his disappointment.

‘What you doing?’ she asked curiously.

‘Tidying up, and maybe some TV. I’ll keep it quiet so I don’t disturb you’ he assured her, silently cursing like a pirate that they seemed to be back to square one and he’d have to find the right moment again, to tell her again…

Her hands slipping under his tee shirt as she wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed just between his shoulder blades startled him, a lot! He hadn’t heard her sneak up behind him and he clumsily juggle-dropped the soapy cup back into the sink with a splash.

‘Good morning Nick, I love you’ she whispered shyly, tightening her grip, her hands moving across his abdomen. ‘Come back to bed’ she hummed against the fabric of his tee as she kissed him there again.

His chest heaving in relief, he turned around and grasped her face with his sudsy hands and kissed her, her lips tasting lusciously of chocolate and cinnamon. 

‘Good morning B, I love you’ he echoed with an incredibly dorky smile on his face as he kissed her again. ‘I thought…’ he faltered whilst twisting a lock of her hair around his fingers.

‘You thought I’d forgotten last night?’ she surmised archly, her palms still under his shirt resting just on his hips like it was the most normal thing in the world.

‘Maybe’

‘Not going to happen’ she shook her head firmly, her lower lip caught in her teeth.

‘No?’

‘Nope,’ she popped, ‘You're _mine_ now, Torres’ she accentuated her point by brushing her thumbs just inside his waistband way down low on his stomach, the result of that manoeuvre was fairly obvious and instantaneous!

‘I am, huh?’ he teased as she stood on her tippy-toes, ruching up his tee-shirt until it was just in the way and he tugged it off. She kissed her way across his chest, her nails grazing a trail upwards and then her lips lingered along his carotid nibbling and nuzzling while his boy pitched up a tent in his pants.

‘Mm-hum… Objections?’

‘Nope. _Possessive_ Bishop, I like it’ he growled, moving her loose waves of hair back so he could return the favour, following the route that ran from her earlobe, down her slender neck to the soft skin of her collarbone area left exposed by her PJ top. She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the bedroom. ‘That works both ways B, I’m basically a caveman’ he informed her jovially, though there was more than a little truth in that statement,

‘I find hairpulling and manhandling with big, firm hands… a major turn-on’ she whispered conspiratorially in his ear, her warm breath sending thrills down his spine before her actual words registered…

_Jesus Christ Ellie, you're killing me!_

‘When you’re better you’re _soo_ getting it’ he muttered between kisses as they buried themselves under the duvet back in her bed, ‘I’m going to make you scream so loud when you come, that old lady neighbour of yours will report you to the building Super’ he promised and was gratified to hear her moan against his mouth.

He felt her hands tugging down his pants and his boxers, her fingers curling around his full and firm friend.

‘ _Ellie_ , no’ he breathed, moving away reluctantly.

‘What?’ she hummed before her tongue delved into his mouth teasing the ridges of his palette.

‘Don’t, I don’t want-,’ holding her wrist gently, stalling her rhythmic grip.

He felt her fingers flinch and release him, a look of shocked embarrassment blanched her face as she recoiled away from him.

‘S-sorry- I thought-,’ she stuttered, as his apparent rejection cut her to the quick.

‘Ellie, shhh! I didn’t mean-,’ he kissed her forehead and interlaced his fingers with hers, rubbing his thumb along her knuckles. ‘I _want_ you to do that, but I want to touch _you_ too. It’s not fair this way, so until you're ready, no happy endings just for me, _together_ or not at all’ he explained laying a lingering kiss on her lips until he felt her guarded posture relax.

‘ _No_ touching?’ she asked cautiously, still a little fragile from his clumsy rebuff.

‘Well now, I didn’t say _that_!’ he smirked nuzzling her neck, slipping his hand up under her top and flicking his thumb over her nipple, ‘but nothing past second base, for now’.

‘And you're ok with that?’ she asked nervously, and he leaned back to really look at her.

‘Ellie, this isn’t just about sex for me, you know that, right?’

Her perplexed face belied the nod she gave him.

‘I love you Ellie, I want to make love with you, I can wait’

‘But you’ve always been very…physical with the women you’ve dated’

‘Yeah, I _may_ have exaggerated just a little on that score, to maybe get a rise from you’ he confessed squinting his eye ruefully, ‘and if I was ever _physical_ it was just sex B, ok? Nothing like _this_! Being with you is completely different’

‘But you don’t want anyone to know about us’ she murmured despondently.

‘You mean Kasie? Hell, B, I just thought we hadn’t talked about any of this, so it was best to keep my mouth shut! If you want us to go public, I'm 100% ready and willing!’ he had only just realised how ready he was, for the first time he was all in and out there for Ellie, for _all_ , to see.

‘I think we should keep it to ourselves for now, just in case…’

Lowering his defences was not something he’d ever done; he’d never felt so vulnerable, so exposed before. ‘What, _in case_ we break up?’ he snapped back defensively, his nerves fried.

‘ _No_ idiot!’ she scoffed, ‘In case Gibbs throws a fit! Rule 12 remember?’

‘Oh, shit yeah, forgot about that!’ he huffed out sheepishly. ‘Ok so we keep our _relationship_ …’ he kissed her deeply so that she knew exactly how he felt about their new status, ‘quiet, well mostly quiet ...I expect a few moans when I corner you in the copier storeroom’.

‘At work!’

‘Oh yeah, I’ve thought about you and me in there, together, for a while actually’ he admitted, that particular frequent daydream flashing through his mind in salacious technicolour.

‘Really?’ she blinked inquisitively, obviously not seeing what he was picturing.

‘Well, you told McGee you have a stationery fetish’ he kissed her forehead, snuggling in closer to her ‘and I thought I could lure you in there with promises of pristine new Post-its, mint condition, still in the wrapper’ he winked seductively, and she burst out laughing at his ridiculous flirting.

‘Two weeks’

‘Huh?’

‘The doctor said two weeks until we can…’ her lips hummed against his sternum as her nails slowly scrapped down his chest mauling his nipples torturously, deliciously…

‘Evidence locker-room…’ she murmured lasciviously, ‘I’d ask you for help lifting an archive box and then… just recklessly sweeping the files off the reading desk and you bend me over and…’

He was almost certain she was purring now, lost in her fantasy fuck-fest and he had to admit he was game on for _that_ scenario as soon as she was! Not content to leave him with the vivid image she had described she pushed her knee that was wedged between his thighs up higher, rocking back and forth under his balls and pulled his head to hers and they were kissing again.

Fuck! Two weeks was suddenly a very, _very_ long time.


	5. Gut twitching irritation

After his 48 hours of caretaking, very deliberately and heroically, resisting all wheedling on Ellie’s part, he went home. He’d told her that first night he wanted to take things slow and immediately moving in together was _not_ that. It was very clear they were both passionate people, sparks fizzled between them with every touch, it was addictive and overwhelming and fucking amazing and if she hadn’t still been recovering from surgery, he would’ve had her every which way several times a day!

Ellie was a very impatient patient; she grumbled about not being able to do that stuff…a lot.

And she grouched, griped and groused about him going home every night after his visits too.

They’d have dinner together, sometimes just take-out but sometimes cooking together, both squeezing past each other in the small kitchen or like Thursday when she sat on the countertop and pulled him in-between her legs, hooking her ankles around his thighs when he offered her a wooden spoonful taste, moaning in pleasure as he fed her arroz con pollo.

Yeah, he _wanted_ to stay.

He was bored and antsy and irritable when he was at home in his own place now, his bed was cold, the apartment felt empty, sounded echoey and he missed her, more than he thought it was possible to miss someone he’d only seen a couple of hours before.

He hoped it would be better when she was finally back at work again, light duties only but at least he wouldn’t have to spend another day staring at her vacant desk like he’d done since he went back to work earlier in the week. She was chomping at the bit to get back in the morning, and as protective as he was about her, he knew she was ready, she was off the pain meds and her colour was so much better.

It had already been a perfect weekend. They’d gone to the movies Friday night, their first proper date-night and then he’d dropped her to her door, kissing her on her stoop until she was jelly-legged and sending her inside all dizzily loved-up and petulantly turned-on. An extremely long personal call lasted until the small hours of the night as they both lay naked in their respective beds and told each other exactly what they liked, and how they liked it… Jesus, she had a gift, her tongue lolling over throaty, sibilant words flowing from one language to the next, at times he had no idea what she was saying but it all sounded as sexy as hell and afterwards, he fell asleep feeling a lot less tetchy.

Saturday, they had dinner out together, a Persian place she’d been talking about for ages but was way over the other side of town. On the drive back he parked up the car and they walked around the Lincoln Memorial and the Washington Monument holding hands while eating ice creams, shy goofy smiles plastered on their faces, stealing sneaky kisses both awed at how pretty the city was at night.

And they spent all Sunday just hanging out and snuggled up watching Netflix and chilling as the rain hammered down outside.

He could get used to this, he already had.

It was getting late and he reluctantly hauled himself off the sofa smiling at Ellie's pouty face, when his phone rang.

‘Gibbs’ he hissed in warning to her, ‘Yes Boss?’

‘There’s been another murder, same MO’, Gibbs informed him tersely.

‘Where?’

‘Navy Yard chapel gardens. She was one of ours’

‘I’m on my way’ he replied curtly, a knot of uneasy apprehension coiling in his stomach.

‘Nick?’

‘I, um, gotta go’ he told her kissing her on the head. ‘There’s been another stabbing, an NCIS agent’

‘I’m coming too’ she scrambled up from the couch already re-tying her ponytail neatly.

‘ _No_! B, come on, you're not back till tomorrow and desk duties _only_ ’ he reminded her firmly.

‘Nick, I’ll be working the case anyways so I’m coming’ she countered stubbornly basically disregarding his concern and giving him the death-stare that brooked no further argument.

Gibbs didn’t comment when they arrived together, ‘carpooling’ they explained.

‘Bishop, you good?’ Gibbs gave her a penetrating look.

‘Yes Boss, just statements, got it’ she smirked getting in there first, pulling out her notebook with a flourish.

They drifted over to where Jimmy was photographing the scene.

It was horrific.

The woman’s top had been torn open her lower abdomen sliced open and the word ‘Liar’ had been crudely carved across her chest.

‘Oh my god!’ Ellie gasped her trembling hand covering her mouth.

‘What B, you ok?’

‘That’s Ellie, _Ellen_ Ackerman, she was in my FLETC class…’ she whispered falteringly, ‘everyone got us confused because…’

‘Because you looked so alike’ he swallowed roughly hocking down the bile that was rolling up and burning his throat as he forced himself to look away from her doppelgänger butchered and bloody on the sidewalk.

‘Yeah, she worked in counterterrorism, surveillance… she got divorced recently, no kids’ she trailed off, her eyes locked on the gruesome display.

If they ever thought the resemblance with the other victims was a coincidence or a typology, that idea just went out the window. This was about Ellie, his Ellie and without saying a word aloud the team immediately formed a protective ring around her.

Gibbs judiciously eye-balled the gathering crowd of ghoulish rubberneckers.

Rule 35: Always watch the watchers.

‘Torres, Bishop, head back to the office, background checks, start with the ex-husband’ he instructed quietly, still observing the bystanders.

‘Got it boss’ he grizzled glaring around the throng, hoping his gut picked up on someone who seemed ‘off’ somehow. Without touching her though his fingers itched to, he herded her indoors shielding her from the onlookers with his bulk in case the perp was watching.

Once inside and alone in the lift, he tipped her elbow butting in on her internal monologue ‘you ok?’

‘Yeah just-,’ she shook herself, refocusing, ‘I’m fine Nick, let’s just get to work’

Nobody got home that night, an NCIS agent had been murdered on home turf and if it wasn’t personal for Gibbs before it sure as hell was now.

‘Sit rep!’ he called out sometime midmorning shaking everyone out of their exhausted torpor.

Ellie flicked through the images some they’d all seen too often over the past month along with the new ones.

‘Three murders and two survivors. Last night’s attack was deliberate and brutal, he was out to kill’ she intoned professionally.

‘There’s been a steady escalation in the brutality used in each attack’ Sloane added, ‘I’m coordinating with the FBI to formulate a profile, they’re going to send over a BAU liaison agent today’.

‘Ackerman’s ex-husband is clear Boss; he’s currently stationed in Guam. I know I’m on desk duties, but I think I should go interview Melissa Roberts, the second victim. She’s off the vent and has regained consciousness, she might talk more woman to woman.’ Ellie suggested and she had a point.

‘Ok, Torres with Bishop and when you're done, Bishop, my house’.

‘Huh?’

‘Until we find this guy, you’re on protective watch’

‘Gibbs!’

‘No argument Bishop, it’s my house or a safe house, and you go nowhere alone, _nowhere_ , Torres, McGee?’

‘Got it boss’ both he and Tim replied in unison.

‘Guys, come on! I can look after myself, I’m a trained federal agent!’

‘So was Ackerman’ Gibbs barked pointing at the massacred body on the plasma putting an end to the discussion.

She bitched the whole way to Walter Reed and he just let it roll because he knew she’d do as Gibbs said and he actually felt way happier that she’d have a personal protective detail 24/7. Ellie had wracked her brains working through a list of her previous cases like Gibbs told her to and was still at a loss as to why someone was hurting women who looked like her. She still didn’t believe it was about her personally, instead, she worked on the assumption that the killer had a prey type; blonde, petite and working in military-related jobs.

She could be right, either way, she was a target and that had his hackles up and his adrenaline pumping on a high threat alert.

Melissa was mercifully on the long road to recovery but could offer them little insight into her attacker. Again, the guy had said nothing, but at least she was sure it was a man who attacked her.

‘Hugo Boss cologne, it _was_ one of my favourites, I don’t think I’ll feel the same way about it from now on’ she grimaced.

‘Any weirdos hanging around, someone overly-friendly maybe, an ex-boyfriend?’

‘No, I haven’t had a ‘boyfriend’ in a long time with deployments and stuff. Been on a few dates but nobody stands out,’ she chuckled drily, ‘that’s the problem, none of them _stood out_ , just a lot of blah, blah, boring small talk, going nowhere dates!’

Ellie nodding understandingly, ‘yep, been there, done that! Anything else that you remember about the attack?’

‘No, I’m sorry I just remember him pulling my hair, hard, and then-,’ she shook her head dispelling the memory of her injuries, ‘I’ll have to get inventive with my hairstyles until it grows back’

‘What do you mean?’

‘See?’ she leaned forward and lifted her blonde hair showing an almost scalped bald area behind her ear, ‘this bit here got sheared off. I only noticed it yesterday when I finally got to wash my hair’.

‘It’s really not noticeable’ Ellie reassured her, ‘if anything else comes to mind just call us, ok?’

They went back to her apartment and an extremely pissed off Ellie packed a bag for a few days and a picnic box of fresh food, a good idea because everyone knew Gibbs didn’t exactly cook or have like real food other than steak and MREs.

‘Ellie, seriously what’s the big deal, a few days at Gibbs until we catch a break and get the guy, there’s like three agencies working the case now, it won’t be that long.’

‘Well, first of all, it makes it damn-near impossible for us to spend downtime together’ she huffed crossly, still flinging snacks into a bag.

‘Ok, I get that that’s a pain in the ass, but we’ll work something out. What’s the _real_ reason B?’ She avoided his eye, so he knew he was onto something, the _real_ something. ‘Tell me’ he asked, blocking her escape and lifting her chin with his fingers until she had to look at him.

‘What if- I have an… accident?’ she groaned, rolling her eyes agitatedly.

‘Huh?’

‘A bleed!’ she clarified uncomfortably as he was plainly baffled. 

‘I thought you said that had resolved a couple of days ago?’

‘Yeah, but I’m not sure if that’s just because of the surgery or the medications and now my cycle is probably way off. I want to be at home Nick, just in case!’

‘Gibbs has been married, _frequently_ , he knows you're getting over a gynae procedure, you could just tell-,’

‘ _Noooo_! Nick, he’s my boss!’ she cringed appalled at the mere idea.

‘Ok, so pack some products and a dark-coloured towel for the bed and you’ll be all set. Ellie, your safety trumps your embarrassment about something that might not even happen’ he told her levelly, softening his rebuff with a kiss.

‘I still don’t believe this is about me’ she grumbled, and he heard a whisper of mutiny in her tone.

‘Well until it’s _proven_ otherwise, we go with Gibbs’s orders, like or lump it B, no solo adventures, promise me!’

‘Fine, fine, I promise!’ she stomped off to the bathroom and returned with another washbag and a rolled-up burgundy towel, ‘I hate this, I'm _not_ happy’ she muttered waspishly, and he just nodded knowing another word from him would end up with _his_ ass getting the roasting.

Without off-duty time together they did indeed have to get _creative_ during working hours. The carpark stairwell was an even better place than the elevator for making out, fewer interruptions for a start. The lack of time to just _be_ together was the hardest though. Added to that, they had to be careful that their covert intimate chats, fleeting romantic touches, their general inability to maintain personal space wasn’t noticed by the rest of the _expanded_ team.

The unit now had a new member for the investigation, one Luke Garcia, BAU profiler seconded to NCIS for the duration of the case. He was a nice enough guy, a bit cock-sure of himself maybe and ok, he was man enough to admit he was a good-looking dude. It was mildly galling that his physique was down to jujitsu rather than laborious bench-pressing and the volunteering at an animal shelter thing had to be a pick-up line, right?

But he wasn’t _annoying_ until he started asking about Ellie.

‘So Torres, what’s the story with Bishop, she seeing anyone?’ Garcia asked confidentially, man to man like they were friends or something. The guy had been following Ellie with his eyes for half the goddamn day but so far, he’d said nothing no matter how irritating it was.

He knew flirting when he saw it and the guy was definitely throwing the big guns at her, all smiles and subtle flattery.

‘Why you asking?’ he snapped back, probably a little harsher than strictly necessary and drawing a raised eyebrow from McGee.

‘She seems nice’ he replied mildly, glancing over to Ellie at her desk neck-deep in financials as she blasted music through her earbuds.

‘She _is_ nice, but um, she’s off-limits’ he informed him firmly and noticed McGee’s mouth dropping open at that, ‘yeah um, Gibbs has a _strict_ rule about co-worker dating’

‘I don’t think that would apply-,’ McGee cut in, starting to green-light Garcia.

‘His rules, your ass, buddy’ Nick shrugged and thankfully Tim nodded vehemently in agreement.

Garcia seemed to take that on board, but Nick would be watching the dude!

Ellie seemed oblivious to the guy’s interest but Kasie and Sloane were not.

‘Bishop, I’m gonna have to recommend a psych eval if you can’t see it, and there is absolutely nothing wrong that that man’ Sloane hummed admiringly at the huge guy while he talked on the phone over by the stairs out of earshot. She was sucking on one of those damn lollies of hers, handing one each to Ellie and Kasie. 

‘Come on Bishop, he’s asked you to ‘recommend’ a lunch spot twice now, he’s _totally_ hitting on you!’ Kasie hissed conspiratorially.

‘Is not!’ she scoffed, even as her cheeks glowed and she flicked him a flustered glance.

‘Torres!’ Kasie elbowed him hard in the ribs ‘will you tell her, the guy is flirting, right? And she should definitely go out with him!’

This had to be a trap, right?

All eyes fell on him, and he painted an easy-going smile on his face. ‘Bishop, it’s up to you, but I um, didn’t think Garcia was your type’ he observed innocently.

‘What, bronze, buff and handsome? Yeah, you're right, girls he’s not my type _at all_!’ her eyes twinkled with teasing mischief just for him as she licked the lolly provocatively, letting her lips make a pop as she slowly drew the candy out of her mouth. ‘Now that guy Olsen, in Cyber…’

‘Ooh, the Chris Hemsworth look-alike, not _my_ type but I totally see it. Mother Nature was good there!’ Kasie agreed sagely to another round of hums of agreement.

‘Ladies, you do realise you are objectifying colleagues, aren’t there are rules about that McGee?’

‘So not getting involved!’ he answered not even looking up from his paperwork.

Just then Gibbs strode in coffee cup in hand, shaking his head at the three women propped up on his desk.

‘Update!’ and everyone snapped to attention.

‘Well, I’ve reviewed all the victims’ phone records, nothing sinister but they're all single and seemed to be dating new guys recently. We’re tracking the individual numbers to see if any match up. Credit cards payments are showing up some overlapping purchases, but all the victims worked within a mile of each other, led similar lifestyles being military so, at the moment, nothing is standing out Boss’.

‘There has to be something we are missing, look again!’ he barked slamming his hand on the desk and sending them all scurrying

‘Is he always like that?’ Garcia asked mildly, having missed everything else.

‘Yep!’ they all chimed back.

He didn’t miss the Garcia asking Ellie did she want another candy bar from the vending machine on his way out and he’d be lying if it didn’t rankle a little when her face lit up in delight.

Ok, now he _hated_ the guy!


	6. Gut it out

They spent the next two days churning out reconstructions of each of the victim’s day by day activities in the run-up to their attacks, adding in card transactions, work rotas, hobbies and home life. It was painstaking and time-consuming and all he wanted was some quality time with Bishop but she was spending more and more time with Garcia as they diagrammed a multi-layered timeline that her analytical skills were made for.

He waited until Ellie was the only one left in the bullpen, the others gone for coffee or whatever.

‘Agent Bishop, I noticed the weekly stationery order just got delivered, you want first dibs on the coloured post-its?’

He could see her face glow as she looked around guiltily, an impish smile tugging the corners of her lips before she decided to casually follow him into the store cupboard. Their making-out had moved on a tad since the day before when they had somehow managed to dry-hump each other while still fully clothed into insensibility and though it wasn’t a _complete_ happy ending for him, Ellie had caterwauled enough to draw the attention of the janitor who thought there might a stray cat stuck in the air-con. The guy had clearly seen enough illicit office romances to just throw up his hands on finding them still wrapped around each other, chastising them loudly in Vietnamese as they both giggled ruefully while righting themselves.

The janitor wasn’t due in till after 5 pm, they had a window, and he _really_ wanted to hear Ellie make those noises again.

Pushing her against the shelving they kissed greedily, both aware they had limited time. Like the day before he positioned his thigh between her legs knowing it was the friction against his denim jeans that hit the right spot but today Ellie had additional ideas. Her deft fingers undid his fly and _this_ time he didn’t stop her as she worked him over, her own pelvis rolling to match her hand rhythm.

What surprised him was her breaking off from their very intense kissing to drop to her knees and slip her mouth over his dick.

‘ _Ellie_! Jesus Christ!’ he hissed, totally unprepared for the glorious sensation of warm, wet suction.

She slid her lips down his length and back up again, sucking and stretching him, lingered on his tip, circling torturously with her tongue before letting her lips make a sucking pop sound, mimicking what she had done with the damn lollipop.

‘I got mine... _Quid pro quo_. Objections?’

He could only shake his head as her mouth moved forward along his shaft sheathing more and more of him moving with a spine-tingling, eye-popping rhythm as her nails scraped down his thighs.

It had been a while, and it was Ellie, her lips, her tongue, her mouth, in the storeroom just like he’d fantasied…

‘Fuck Ellie!’ he groaned through gritted teeth as he felt a tremble ripple through his abdominal muscles, his balls clenching just before the inevitable happened.

The door rattled, the knob turned.

_He had locked it, right?_

They both froze, but only for a second because she did this combination thing with her tongue and her fingers and God Almighty couldn’t have stopped him spilling into her mouth.

‘Hey, is someone in there?’

He was still mutely quivering with the aftershocks as Ellie released him and called out calmly, ‘Yes, just stock-taking, you need something urgently? I’m almost done’ she winked up wickedly at him.

‘Just looking for a HP140 ink cartridge, you see one?’ the nameless voice asked.

‘Shoot, we’re out, maybe try 2nd floor?’ and that sent them away.

‘Ellie Bishop you are one seriously sexy lady’ he panted still trying to recover from her mind-blowing blowjob. ‘ _What_ was that, at the end?’

‘Oh _that_ ’ she shrugged, tucking in her blouse from where his eager hands had rucked it, ‘I read about it in a magazine, guess it works, huh?’

‘You could say that! Come here’, he pulled her over finger-combing her tossed hair between kisses, ‘you might want to fix that, you're looking a little mussed’ he smirked tucking another stray lock behind her ear.

‘Hair…’ she muttered distractedly.

‘What?’

‘ _Hair_ , Nick! Quick, I need to check something’ she blurted hauling the storeroom door open before he’d even himself zipped up,

‘Ellie! What’s going on?’

‘I need to talk to Jimmy, something just clicked with me’ she shouted back over her shoulder, running towards the staircase to the morgue with him in hot pursuit.

‘Jimmy, can you check the bodies’ she started talking before even coming to a stop at Palmer’s desk, ‘- specifically their hair, were any missing hair like it had been _cut_ off?’

‘I can look, what’s this about?’ the ME asked inquisitively.

‘Melissa Roberts showed us where her hair had been cut off, and I was just reading Anna Green’s statement she said she thought her assailant was trying to cut her face, but she elbowed him and he only got a ‘fistful of hair’. Maybe that’s a thing for him?’

Palmer pulled out the three gurneys and examined the corpses.

‘Bishop, you're right, each of them has shorn or hacked off locks of hair’.

It was an angle they could work, something linking the victims. With all the team on board, they scanned through what they knew again, joining up the dots and Bingo!

Garcia took point at the plasma.

‘Ok, so thanks to the meticulously observant _Bishop_ -'

Ok, he definitely saw _that_ look he shot her and Ellie's awkward blush at his praise.

'-we know all victims have had hair sliced off in their attacks, Jack and I reckon a hair fetish, trichophilia, definitely ties into the profile we’ve built. The hair could be a trophy, blonde hair in particular is seen as a symbol of purity but also of sexual desire. Our hypothesis runs that he is attracted to this particular image of an idealised woman, they spurn him somehow and he inflicts his revenge.

‘Boss’ McGee interrupted, ‘I’ve rechecked the financials of the victims, they all visited the same hair salon on Fremont Street, ‘Blow 'n Go’’

Nick spluttered, almost choking on his coffee. Ellie just handed him a tissue as he coughed up a lung, her own face scarlet at the innuendo.

‘You two ok?’ Sloane asked archly, obviously getting the double-entendre.

‘Err, Boss, I’ve actually been to that place a couple of times’ Ellie confessed warily, ‘It’s not a full salon as such, it’s a blow-dry bar, very popular with military women’

‘Why?’ he asked bewildered

‘Well, say you're in uniform, hair pinned up in a bun all day and you don’t have time to go home and start fixing your hair if you're going out, like on a date or something. They do a twenty-minute dry blow-out or GHD waves and you're good to go, khaki tan to girlie glam in under a half-hour, 20% discount with Services ID too’.

‘So, they’d have your name and place of work from your credentials?’ he added succinctly.

‘Yeah, I never thought of that’

‘Owner is a Hugo Whitman’ McGee informed them tapping at his keyboard and displaying his picture, ‘oh and would you look at that, was arrested last year for assault with a blade’

‘McGee, Garcia go pick him up’ Gibbs instructed tersely, knocking back the dregs of his coffee.

He and Ellie were waiting outside the interrogation room as they escorted the loudly complaining, middle-aged, fashionably shaved and tailored hairdresser down the corridor. Just at the doorway he came to an abrupt stop and leered at Ellie.

‘And who is this lovely creature?’ Whitman clucked, eyeing her up rapaciously.

‘None of your damn business that’s who she is!’ Nick growled stepping in front of her and squaring up to the dick.

‘Relax, I only wanted to say hello to… Agent Bishop’ he scoffed, reading her name badge clipped onto her jeans pocket, leaning in closer to her.

Instinctively he shouldered the asshole hard into the wall, but Ellie hissed him a warning putting her small restraining hand on his forearm until he stepped back.

‘Ooh, over-protective much’ Whitman grinned, eyeing up his strained biceps, before switching his attention back to Bishop.

‘Natural blonde, right? With some maybe a little honey or dirty in the mix?’ he asked reaching out to touch her long, loose hair.

He was about to kill the bastard, but Ellie had already smacked the dude’s extended hand away, twisted it and held it at a pressure point until he whimpered in pain.

It was only Gibbs barking voice that halted his fist joining the party.

‘ _Torres_ , walk it off!’ he ordered as the guys dragged the chuckling suspect in for questioning.

Nick just caught Ellie’s vexed face.

‘What?’

‘Nick, what was that?’ she hissed furiously as they walked back together towards their desks.

‘What was what?’

‘ _All_ of it!’ she fumed, ‘I can look after myself!’ she bristled at him, her chin jutting up in annoyance. He was about to dazzle her with a playful retort, but she stopped him with an upturned palm. ‘I mean it Nick’ she huffed stomping off.

Turned out the Hugo Whitman’s predatory-seeming, tough man persona was a complete front; five minutes locked in a room with an angry Gibbs and the guy crumbled. Jack and Garcia both agreed that while the stylist was _very_ interested in hair, it was in a professional capacity rather than a sexual fetish. His assault with a blade charge was a tiff between hairdressers over who owned what scissors.

He was also very gay and very in love with his illegal immigrant Thai husband who he thought they were questioning him about.

He was not their guy.

They were back to square one until Garcia pointed out a possibility.

‘So, we know the victims all frequented that salon and we also know from Melissa that she got talking to a guy-,’

‘Brad’ Ellie supplied from her notes.

‘Yeah, the guy paid for her coffee in ‘Beantown’ across the street and they talked, swapped numbers but she didn’t call him’.

‘Ok I’ve just got off the phone with Anna Green, similar story’ Sloane reported, ‘had her hair done, got chatting to a guy in the coffee house, she actually went out for a drink with him. She can’t remember his name though, nothing came of it, he seemed like a normal guy she just wasn’t interested’.

‘Common thread seems to be the women briefly dated the guy, _if_ it’s the same guy- different phone numbers, untraceable’ Ellie explained flicking through the victims’ phone record transcripts ‘and then they ghosted him’

‘Ghosted?’ Gibbs asked baffled at the terminology.

‘‘Ghosting’ is when someone you're dating ends the relationship by cutting off all communication, without any explanation.’ Jack explained to the Information Age illiterate Gibbs.

‘The use social media and dating apps are often blamed, offering relative anonymity in modern-day dating and hook-up culture, which make it easier to sever contact with few social repercussions’ Garcia continued in profiler mode. ‘It may be especially hurtful to those on the receiving end, causing feelings of ostracism and rejection. Some mental health professionals consider ghosting to be passive-aggressive, a form of emotional abuse, a type of silent treatment or stonewalling behaviour, and emotional cruelty’

‘Yeah, it definitely fits’ Sloane approved thoughtfully, ' and why he might seek to punish'

‘It has to be either someone in the salon, the coffee shop or watching right, too many coincidences’ Garcia pointed out ‘So, we send Bishop in, see if anyone makes contact’.

_What the fuck!_

‘ _What_? No way!’ he objected furiously giving Garcia dagger-eyes, ‘She’s on desk duty, just back off sick leave’ he elaborated when he noticed the surprised look on the surrounding faces.

Ok, maybe he’d been a _little_ strident.

‘Boss I’m fine, it’s a good plan, I’m good to go’, Bishop offered enthusiastically.

‘We’d be dangling her as bait, and it’s too dangerous!’ he argued his heart racing imagining the risks involved ‘Boss, you can’t sanction this!’

‘Set it up’ Gibbs ordered having weighed it up, ‘I want eyes and ears covering every inch, pull in extra agents if you have to’ he added with a nod to his concerns.

‘Nick, a word’ Ellie muttered as she walked by him, nodding her head towards the more private stairwell area.

_Oh fuck!_

‘Nick, I get that this case is freaking you out and that you're looking out for me, but you have to let me do my job’

‘Ellie-,’

‘No Nick, _listen_ to me, your knight in shining armour routine undermines my authority with suspects and the team. Gibbs, the others, are _noticing_ , Nick. I’m _not_ a damsel in distress, I can look after myself, fight my own battles, always have, always will’ she told him resolutely, her every word a punch in the guts.

‘Ok I get it, I’m sorry, I’ll reel my neck in’ he mumbled contritely.

She nodded accepting his apology ‘ok’.

‘But Ellie you're my girlfriend, I worry about you, I won’t stop worrying about you even if you don’t like it,’ he told her stubbornly his fingers brushing hers until he caught her hand in his.

‘Wow’

‘Is that a good wow or a sarcastic one?’ he winced, fully expecting a rapid escalation of her ire.

‘That’s the first time you’ve called me your _girlfriend_ , I like it’ she smiled shyly twisting her fingers around his. ‘And the worrying thing works both ways, Torres! Do you think I don’t worry about you? Recklessly impulsive, impetuous, _not_ impervious to car bumpers…’ she listed off his vices on her other fingers.

‘Ok ok, message received’

‘Just let me do my job, Nick’ she reiterated, standing up on her tippytoes and kissing his cheek before leaving him to get back to work.

It was a simple plan. Ellie just went into the ‘Blow ‘n Go’ salon every evening around 5 pm, had her hair done and then she faffed about on the street, making sure she was seen going into the bookstore, the florist, making a call on her phone or whatever and then dallying in the ‘Beantown’ coffee shop. 

On the second evening, the stylist who had curled her hair followed her to the coffee house but he only nodded to her in greeting and returned to the salon take-out cup in hand.

‘Maybe he knows we're watching’ she argued morosely on the third day. He’d noticed her dress was shorter than the one she had worn on the op the day before.

Bait, she was acting as bait enticing out a killer.

‘Let’s just play it out for now, until we catch another break in the case, this is all we have’ Garcia replied going through the sound-check again with McGee.

‘Ok’ she sighed heaving herself out of the van parked a block away from the red zone, ‘but if I get split ends from all the heat on my hair I’m billing NCIS for the repairs’ she tutted down the mic as she strolled down the street.

Hair styled again, this time in soft wavy curls, she sauntered back to the coffee shop where Nick sat in the corner apparently surfing the net watching every other customer like a hawk. While standing in line he spotted a familiar face behind her.

‘Guys, isn’t that the dude who takes the bookings at the desk?’ he muttered into his comm.

‘I see you're back again’ the guy spoke up pleasantly to Bishop but Nick heard every word via her wire, ‘Third time this week, huh?’

‘Sorry?’ she replied uncomprehendingly to his comment.

‘Your hair? I um, work in the salon, front desk’ he nodded to the shopfront across the street.

‘Oh, right yeah. Just thought I’d treat myself’ she smiled back easily.

‘Well, it looks good, they can work miracles huh? _Not_ that you needed a miracle to look good-,’ he blundered awkwardly, ‘I just mean, um, it-you look lovely’

‘Oh, thank you, um-?’

‘Brian’ he answered holding out his hand.

‘Ellie, nice to meet you’ she shook it. ‘Can I get a mochaccino with extra cream and a caramel slice please’ she asked the assistant.

‘Can you put it on this please and add a black coffee’ Brian skilfully passed his card across her shoulder to the server.

‘Thank you, but-,’

‘Please, let me, my good karma deed for the day’ he shrugged.

‘Ok, thank you’ she accepted looking around for somewhere to sit.

‘We could share a table? I’ve to be back in ten minutes so you’ll only have to put up with me till then’ he smiled easily, and Nick had to admit the bumbling idiot routine had its advantages.

‘Um sure, that one by the window is free. I just want to add cinnamon to this’ she added pointing to counter.

‘Ok guys, this could be it’ she muttered through her wire as she stirred syrup into her drink.

‘Be careful B’ he whispered into her earpiece, ‘all eyes are on you’ he reassured her.

She nodded and threw her stirrer in the bin and turned around blithely smiling at Brian, now frantically waving from his acquired table.

‘Ouch, sorry!’ Ellie blurted, crashing straight into a tall, suited guy, coffee spilling everywhere.

‘Oh Lord, I’m sorry! Are you scalded? Let me get some tissues…’ the man flustered pulling napkin after napkin out of the dispenser while Ellie dabbed her skirt and bare legs.

‘I’m ok, really, I’m fine’ she scrambled trying to keep her eye on their suspect.

 _‘Ellie_?’ the coffee crash dude blurted.

‘Huh? Oh, oooh- _hi_!’ she stammered, fumbling with a handful of soaked tissues.

‘Wow, here let me take that’ the guy took the crushed cup out of her hand and gave her more napkins while indicating to the barista to get her another one. ‘How are you?’

‘I’m good thank you, busy you know’

‘Of course. You look amazing’ he complimented her, his eyes coasting over her in admiration.

‘Thank you, you too- um, how, how’s your mom?’ she stuttered her face flaring.

‘She’s ok, in a care home now. You, um, still working for NC-?’

‘Yeah’ she interrupted him, ‘I’m really sorry Boyd, but my friend is waiting over there, I have to go. Really nice to see you again’

‘You too, Ellie. Bye’.

‘Boyd’ ordered his coffee-to-go and waved at Ellie as he left and the server delivered a new coffee to her while she was dealing with a rather snarky Brian who was oozing pissed-off vibes during that whole encounter. Ellie turned on the charm and before the ten minutes were up the guy had asked for her number. Nick wasn’t sure whether the rosy-cheeked blush was part of the act or because of the awkward collision with the other dude but he was about to find out.

‘Who’s the other guy’ Gibbs asked as soon as she was back with the team.

‘That was Boyd Radley, I um, dated him for a while last year’ she answered, blushing furiously again.

_Guess that answered that question!_

‘Wait, that was Boyd, as in _Boyd_ Boyd?’ he burst out, the recollection hitting him like a thunderbolt.

 _Shit!_ The guy he’d texted from Ellie’s phone, cancelling their date because he was all green-eyed with jealousy even back then. Boyd was the reason she didn’t talk to him for over a fortnight she was so furious.

_Fuck!_

‘Something we should know?’ Gibbs finally railed at them, the silence continuing as they spoke volumes to each other with just eye-duelling glares.

‘Nothing boss’, Ellie said firmly, ‘Boyd is a nice guy’ she shrugged giving Nick a frosty look when he rolled his eyes, old green-eyes back with that one comment.

‘Hey, focus! You did a background on him first right, _before_ you ‘dated’ him?’ Gibbs quizzed her, losing patience with whatever was going on between them.

‘Yes of course. He’s an accountant, no record, not even a parking ticket. He cares for his mother who has dementia. We met in a Japanese for beginners evening class’.

Irrationally, he resented that she remembered so many details about an ex.

‘What, six languages aren’t enough for you?’ he snarked and regretted his smart mouth instantly.

She graced him with a scathing look. ‘Some of us like to exercise our _brains_ , Torres’ she chaunted back sweetly.

‘Enough! I want a background on both of them. Bishop?’ catching her scrolling through a message.

‘Brian just texted me, wants to know if I want to meet up later, Harbour Bar’ she read out eagerly, their plan panning out.

‘Tell him yes. Garcia, you're on point, Torres you're on Comms back in the bus’

‘Gibbs! She’s my partner, I should have eyes on her, what if she gets into trouble?’

‘‘ _She_ ’ can look after her damn self, Torres!’ she snapped back heatedly the boss raising his eyebrows at her vehemence.

‘Our suspect has already seen you, Torres, you know the game’ Gibbs shook his head irritated at having to even say it.

Boss was right but Nick was _not_ happy but then neither was Ellie.

She stormed off as soon as the Gibbs dismissed them to get ready for her ‘date’ with Brian who might just be a murderer with a fascination for blonde, petite women who looked just like her. And he'd be a block away listening in on the comms while Garcia, a guy he didn’t know, like or particularly trust, was responsible for keeping her safe.

Not happy.

The bar was heaving, and he thought it was odd for a blundering barber-shop booking manager to pick somewhere noisy and hopping for a first ‘date’. He felt a little better knowing that Sloane and Gibbs had grabbed a table in the joint too, Garcia sitting over a drink up at the bar while McGee eyeballed the action via a camera feed to his phone in a car out front.

Brian Moore, aged thirty-eight, with no convictions, with no family and solid financials as they had discovered in his unremarkable background check, arrived just minutes before Ellie.

He had seen her outfit from a distance as she got wired up for the op, a short red dress, black leather jacket and heels, her blonde hair flowing down her back.

Bait.

He felt sick just thinking about the danger they were putting her in, it would only take a second to slip a blade into her and there would be nothing he could do sitting on his ass out in the van.

The pair’s conversation was gawkily stilted at first as they ordered bar food, but the guy gradually upped his game while Ellie feigned interest in his banal 'getting to know you' chitchat. As she started asking subtle probing questions about his dating history, he had to strain to hear the guys answers over the raucous cacophony of the Friday night bar.

‘I don’t feel comfortable with you touching my hair’ Ellie said firmly and on the grainy CCTV feed, he could just see her pushing Moore’s hand away.

‘I said stop’

He held his breath, waiting for her to say the safe-word that would call in the troops to pull her out.

‘Oww!’ she squealed, as screaming and shouting erupted down his earphones.

‘All units go go go!’ Gibbs bellowed down the internal comm.

‘ _Ellie!_ ’ he shouted through her earpiece, but she didn’t reply.

He threw off his headset and ran.


	7. Guts for garters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, bit of a long one but didn't want to split it into two chapters!

Mayhem.

Screaming, shouting, pushing and shoving as people streamed out the front doors of the corner bar. Shouldering through against the tide of people flooding out he forced his way inside, his eyes only glancing over the armed agents restraining thrashing guys on the floor scanning the bar area until he saw her

_Jesus Christ!_

The white towel Gibbs was pressing to her neck was already soaked with blood, but she was still talking, her blood-splattered hand pointing to a body on the floor.

Alive, she was alive!

_‘Ellie!’_

‘Nick I’m ok, it’s just a scratch’

Garcia, nudged him jovially, ‘It looks worse-,’ but in pure fury, he seized the BAU agent by the shirt and shoved him hard against the bar.

‘What the _fuck_ , Garcia!’ he spat out savagely, ‘what the fuck were you _waiting_ for?’ he roared into the asshole’s face.

‘ _Whoa_ , Torres!’ Garcia held up his hands defensively, ‘back off!’

‘ _Nick!_ Relax!’ Ellie cautioned him, trying to calm the furore spinning around her.

‘ _Relax_?!’ he snapped back at Ellie, ‘Garcia had _one_ fucking job and he let him cut you!’

‘It _wasn’t_ Brian!’ she hissed harshly as the movement stung her injury.

‘But I _heard_ ’ he spluttered in confusion, ‘he was touching your hair and then-,’

‘There was a bar fight, I got cut with a broken glass’ she explained mildly, pulling the towel away to show the clean slice on the side of her neck way too close to her carotid, oozing not spurting blood.

‘You should’ve intervened as soon as he touched her’ he snarled at Garcia still not giving in on that point.

‘I _didn’t_ give the codeword for back-up, Nick’ she pointed out testily, ‘I was ok, and I can look after _myself_ ’ she scowled at him icily.

‘She smashed his head off the bar, he won’t be waking up time soon’ Sloane explained cheerfully as McGee cuffed the unconscious body of their suspect, ‘paramedics are on the way’.

She was turning the fabric of the towel over, but it was saturated. ‘Ellie, let me help’ he muttered as he took another clean cloth from a shocked bartender and gently swapped it with the soaked one, applying pressure on the wound.

‘Nick, I’m fine, just a couple of stitches needed. I think you owe Garcia an apology’ she told him quietly her tone adamant.

_Fuck!_

‘Hey, look I’m sorry’ he breathed out tightly, ‘I just saw her blood and-,’

‘We’re cool, I should have been closer,’ Garcia acknowledged magnanimously, ‘he could’ve had a knife’

_Damn fucking straight!_

‘He didn’t?’ he asked as calmly as his fried nerves would allow, feeling Ellie gulp a swallow through the make-shift dressing.

‘No, no weapons’ Tim reassured him having searched the dude thoroughly, ‘We’ll have a warrant to search his apartment by the time we get there, boss’.

Shit, he’d forgotten about Gibbs being right there during the whole spat!

‘McGee, you and Garcia check out his home, get Palmer to meet you there, fingertip search. I want this arrest airtight. Torres, you're with him until he wakes up, don’t let him out of your sight’, he motioned to the limp dick on the ground.

‘Boss, can’t someone else-,’ he asked flicking his eyes to where his hand was still holding the bloody towel to her neck.

Gibbs just death-stared him until he wordlessly caved and accepted the duty.

‘Nick, I said I’m fine!’ she nipped back scathingly taking over holding the pressure pad herself ‘just go!’

He spent several uncomfortable hours on a plastic hospital chair babysitting coma guy while fizzing with irritation, worry and fury in equal measures. Brian Moore was hooked up to wires and tubes, nurses and doctors coming and going, but he still kept him cuffed to the bed; he wasn’t taking any chances.

Yeah, Bishop had whacked the guy’s head pretty hard on the marble bar top when he wouldn’t take his hands off her. Unfortunately, the bastard was expected to recover.

McGee had sent updates from the weirdo’s house; hair, lots of it, like mountains of it, all colours and lengths bagged up and meticulously itemised, human hair wigs and extensions and god knows what. And blades, everything from cutthroat razors, crafting knives and hairdressing scissors to swords, machetes and cleavers. It would take Jimmy and Kasie days if not weeks even to identify and swab all the weaponry and hair samples for DNA.

He waited impatiently to hear from Ellie; she was still downstairs in the Emergency Room getting patched up and still hadn’t replied to any of his texts and as the time ticked by he realised he must be in the doghouse. It was near three in the morning when the room door creaked open and a pale Ellie came in accompanied by Sloane.

‘Hey, Ellie, are you ok?’ he jumped up from the chair willing his fingers not to touch her in front of Jack.

‘I’m fine’ she waved off his concern with a tired smile.

‘Nine sutures for the laceration on her neck, some paper stitches and dressings applied and a tetanus booster’ Sloane provided. ‘And she _is_ fine, no need to worry’ she added gently obviously tuned in to his stress.

‘Erm Nick, can I have a word? Jack, do you mind taking over for a few minutes?’

‘No of course not, go ahead,’ Sloane nodded understandingly as she took the seat on the other side of the bed.

He followed Ellie down the corridor to the deserted family room and she waited until he closed over the door before she started.

‘Nick, we need to talk’ she said bluntly, her face carefully controlled. He sucked in his breath and decided against waiting for the axe to fall.

‘You want to break up with me’ he muttered dolefully, making the inevitable announcement easier on her.

‘You think that, like you _really_ think that?’ she thundered back, her temper flaring up like he’d put a match to it.

‘Well, ‘we need to talk’ after getting my balls roasted more than once, added to us barely talking over the past couple of days and everything tonight and you haven’t answered my texts or calls’ he stammered out in a tumbled rush before sucking in a lungful and shaking his head hopelessly, ‘Ellie I'm no maths expert but it adds up to a break up’.

She threw her eyes heavenward snorting in fury. ‘Nick, I’m pissed off with you, like seething! We _need_ to talk about your ridiculous macho, jealous, overprotective antics, notably today. You’ve embarrassed me in front of other people, and it needs to stop, right now!’

‘So…?’ he squinted apprehensively, barely trusting his fledgeling hope to actual words in case he screwed it up.

‘No, I’m not breaking up with you. I thought I was pretty clear about the ‘I love you’ part?’ she sighed, crossing her arms in exasperation.

‘I love you too’

‘Ok, so we have that squared, great! And for the record my phone is out of battery that’s why I came up here’ she snapped still vexed, before taking his dangling hands in hers.

‘Nick, you have to stop hovering over me all the time, I can’t breathe. I have to be able to do my job without you defending me and coming to my rescue every five minutes. And enough with the snarky comments anytime a guy so much as looks at me!’

‘Ok, I’m sorry’

‘Just…look, I know this case was too close for comfort, but it’s done now, we have him, so take some time, chill’ she implored, ‘You said you needed to figure out how to be in a relationship, well this is it Nick. I need you to understand this is important to me and if we are going to work, you have to let me be me’

‘I’ll do whatever it takes B’, he promised, kissing her knuckles and noticing they still had flecks of crusted blood on them. Her blood. ‘I don’t want to lose you’

‘You won’t, just ease off a little, please?’

‘Consider it done. You sure you're ok, really?’ he asked tilting her chin up gently with his fingers so he could examine the fresh surgical dressing covering from her ear to her throat.

‘Yeah, I’m a _little_ sore,’ she admitted with a grimace, ‘Sloane is driving me home now’

‘Home home?’

‘Yeah, I’m released from Gibbs’s house purgatory, yay’ she cheered doing a cute little victory dance that had him smiling at her goofiness and realising yet again how much he loved her.

‘I’ll be here until the morning, Moore’s still unconscious. Nice work by the way’ he smirked giving her a gentle elbow.

‘So, I guess I’ll see you at work sometime tomorrow afternoon after you get some shut-eye?’

‘Weekend is cancelled, huh?’ he complained puffing out his cheeks. Would they ever catch a break to just be together?

‘Yeah, there’s still all the evidence to work through, reports to write up, debriefing…’ she yawned.

‘Ellie, go home, lie down before you fall down, please’ he pushed her straggly bloodstained hair behind her ear tenderly.

‘Ok,’ she agreed without a fight, so he knew she was beyond exhausted. ‘Goodnight Nick, love you’ she smiled leaning into him, and kissed him softly, his heart swelling with the happiness of reprieve.

‘Love you too B, so much’ his lips lingered on hers, _fuck_ , he’d come too close to screwing this up!

After she’d gone, he sat in the asshole’s room, the heart monitors and IV-medicine pumps bleeping and beeping, only background noise to the turmoil going on in his own head.

He was pushing her away with his need to hold her close. _She couldn’t breathe_. He was smothering her because he was afraid of losing her. He’d lost someone he’d loved before, the pain of that almost killed him but to know this time, _he_ was the one inflicting the damage on them, on himself was just unbearable.

He had no idea _how_ he would do it; looking out for her was an innate, instinctive reflex but he knew he had to quit being her self-appointed bodyguard, at least publicly anyhow. He knew she was well capable of taking care of herself, her independent spirit, badass toughness and extensive skillset as an agent all mixed in with her sweet, nerdy personality made her who she was, and what he loved about her… that and the sexy as hell bit!

After the day shift agent relieved him at the hospital he went home to his bare apartment and crawled into his cold bed, attempting to get some sleep and even though he was completely exhausted he was too wired to switch off. Giving it up as a lost cause hours before he was due back in the office, he slugged back industrial-strength coffee almost gagging at the bitterness, before doing a couple rounds of crunches and sit-ups.

Nothing seemed to dislodge the knot of tension fixed between his shoulder blades.

He hoped seeing Ellie back at her desk rather than bleeding out on the dirty flooring of a bar might help but as they all ploughed through the casework, he still couldn’t shake off the tetchy feeling.

The whole team were tired but when Sloane suggested a couple of beers to ‘decompress’ everyone breathed a sigh of blissful relief. They’d been working this case for weeks, they had their guy, bar the formalities, and they could all do with allowing themselves to take a timeout recovery break.

O’Neill’s was the kind of bar that catered for the after-work crowd most nights, their ‘any tap all-night happy-hour’ was legendary in the federal office district as were the random selection of free Irish snacks that were landed on the table throughout the night, always salty enough that you just _had_ to order another drink to quench your thirst.

‘Hey Bishop, let me buy you a drink, no hard feelings over yesterday’ Garcia tipped his empty glass pointing to her bandaged neck.

‘We’re good’ she smiled easily ‘but I wouldn’t say no to another one’

He was standing on the opposite side of the table, Jimmy and McGee either side of him discussing some geeky Netflix show they were both binging on and being way out of _that_ loop he concentrated instead on watching the interaction between Garcia and Ellie, trying really hard not to stake his claim. This not going public crap was getting harder to swallow. Afterall, Gibbs Rule 12 could be more of a guideline recommendation rather than an absolute directive, right?

Who was he kidding!

Ellie didn’t want to risk either or both of them being kicked off the team and he knew she was right; he also knew he had to respect her decisions especially when it came to the job. That part he was now crystal clear on.

A while later Ellie and Kasie were up at the bar sneakily ordering a round of shots by the look it, the two of them giggling like naughty schoolgirls as they got the bartender to mix up some god-awful, poisonous concoction from the top-shelf. He picked at the last bits of the white pudding fritters, preparing himself for the assault on his tastebuds but a crash and smash of glass drew his eyes immediately back to her.

Kasie had somehow managed to crash straight into another guy with a tray full of beers and both girls were apologising and passing towels over from the helpful barman. The tall guy was taking it well by the looks of it, already pointing to their tray ordering a refill for them along with his own. It was Ellie’s mortified face that piqued his curiosity and as he drifted over, ‘to help’ the conversation had him jerking his head back in a double-take.

‘I know, cliché right but we really do have to stop meeting like this, I’m running out of jackets’ the guy laughed easily, and a splinter of recognition hit him and had his back up in a nanosecond.

Boyd.

‘I’m so sorry, again’ Ellie frowned as Boyd held a napkin to his cut finger, ‘Guess I’m _still_ clumsy, no change since-’

‘Since you spilt that miso soup all over me in Yoshimata!’ he chuckled still dabbing at his soaked shirt and trousers.

‘Oh god!’ she winced covering her mouth with her fingers all embarrassed, and he watched as Kasie flicked her eyes between them a lightbulb moment all but flashing over her head.

Boyd only had eyes for Ellie though.

The bar staff almost had the two trayfuls of drinks replenished when Ellie pointed to the guy’s hand, ‘I’ve got a band-aid in my purse’

‘It’s fine Ellie’ he assured her with a shrug and a somewhat nervous glance towards him.

But she gave the dude her stern eyeballing stare, the one she usually saved for him alone, the one that brooked no argument.

‘Ok ok’, the guy caved.

Taking the tray from Kasie, he followed the pair back to the table, listening in as Boyd landed another clanger.

‘So, do you come here often?’

Ellie burst out laughing, maybe this was some inside joke between them, from their dating days?

‘Sometimes, with these guys from work. You?’

‘Same, we closed a big merger this week, it means a promotion’ he shrugged modestly as Ellie handed him the dressing, with a beaming ‘good for you!’ though at least sparing him the irritation of seeing her applying it for him.

‘I better get back with those beers before I go’ Boyd thumbed over his shoulder towards the bar.

‘Go?’ Kasie asked innocently

‘Yeah, early start. I um, usually take my mom out of the care home, bring her to church and for lunch on Sundays’ he waved over to the bartender to let him know he was on his way to pay.

‘Maybe we’ll bump into each other again’ Boyd smiled warmly at Ellie whilst waving a casual bye to the whole table who were silently weighing the guy up.

‘Yeah maybe’ chirped back blithely, turning around and getting a tableful of questioning glances.

‘ _What?_ ’ she asked all flustered as she looked between Kasie and himself when the others carried on their conversations. Nick took a long glug of his longneck, biting down on the inside of his cheek with the taste of stinging resentment and repressed fury in his mouth.

‘Bishop, you are on fire tonight!’ Kasie chortled, ‘Garcia hitting on you and now this guy, you have to tell me the whole story! And you could have been a _little_ more encouraging, tell her Nick!’

‘I think she had it covered’ he muttered bitterly but Kasie still poked at Ellie for the whole Boyd saga.

‘Kasie will you stop with the matchmaking, I’m not interested in anyone at the moment’

He did his best to contain his snort with another slug.

A server chose that exact moment to deliver a fancy cocktail, a shot balancing on chopsticks over a glass of beer.

‘Oh, I didn’t order that’ she told the college kid waiter.

‘A Sake Bomb, compliments of the gentleman just leaving’ he placed a business card beside the drink. Ellie’s face flooded with a blush as the whole table collectively ribbed her with teasing ‘oooooh's’ tapping on the table until she rolled her eyes and thumped her fist beside the glass causing the sake shot to drop into the beer fizzing up before she knocked it back with practised skill.

He was rapidly re-evaluating the extent of her and Boyd’s dating in just that one action.

‘Soooo, you and Boyd’ Kasie sing-songed, nudging her relentlessly ‘seems nice and _totally_ your type’.

‘Kasie quit it! We only dated for a few weeks and it-, um, fizzled out’ she swallowed uneasily but he caught her quick glance in his direction, as did Kasie who smirked perceptively.

‘Well, if nobody _else_ is on the scene, you should call him, he obviously wants to re-fizzle things.’ She floated the business card right in front of Ellie’s nose until she snatched it from her.

He’d had enough.

Luckily it was his round at the bar, so he stomped off in that direction having got everyone’s order and was lost in his turbulent thoughts when he sensed a presence at his side, the smell of her vanilla and honey shampoo giving her away.

‘Nick, are we good?’

‘Mm-hum’ he nodded noncommittally without looking at her, his attention fixed on the soccer match on the TV behind the bar while he bit his tongue.

‘I'm getting some seriously frosty vibes from you tonight’ she needled him in a hushed tone.

‘It’s nothing’ he glanced at and saw her face scrunch in scepticism.

‘Ok so now I know it’s something Nick, spit it out’

‘Ok’ if she really wanted to know what was eating him, he’d tell her. ‘Why did you accept a drink from Garcia and from Boyd but said no when I asked you?’

‘Seriously?’ it came out sternly, low and lethal, as she took a step back so she could look at him fully.

‘They were both flirting with you B, and you didn’t exactly push them away’ he blurted peevishly even as his brain yelled at him to quit while he was ahead.

‘You think I was flirting back?’ she whispered dangerously ‘is that what you're saying, Nick? Because it sure as hell sounds like it’ she hissed her face blanched in temper.

‘No, I’m not saying-,’

‘But you don’t _trust_ me, in a room full of people, with you standing _right_ there, you don’t trust me?’ she seethed, and he knew this had instantly gone horrifically past the point of rescue.

‘Of course I trust-,’ he stammered trying to fix it.

‘So, you're _jealous_ then, of a colleague and a random guy-,’

‘He's not a _random_ guy’ he bit back fiercely, ‘and it’s a bit coincidental him being here-,’

‘He’s with a crowd of workmates just like us!’

‘I don’t like him’ he growled sullenly.

‘You didn’t like him much _last_ time either as I recall!’ she snarked back before taking a cooling-off breath and lowering her tone. ‘We’ve got to trust each other for the big thing and the small things. It matters’

She echoed her words of over a year ago and he didn’t miss the reference.

‘Ellie-,’ but she held up her hand cutting him off.

‘I can’t keep tiptoeing around you, having this same argument’ she asserted wearily ‘It’s clear you don’t trust me to do my job and you can’t trust me on a personal level, what does that even say?’

‘Ellie, I trust you with my life, can’t we just-,’

‘Nick, no’ pushing his hand away as he tried to take hers, ‘I need…a timeout. Just-, look, I’ll see you in work on Monday’

She went back to the table and said bye to everyone, giving Kasie and Sloane a quick hug as she grabbed up her coat and bag.

As she walked by him towards the door, he covertly blocked her path. ‘Will you text me when you’re home, please?’

She nodded mutely as she wound her scarf around her neck, but her eyes didn’t meet his. And then she was gone.

_Shit, fuck, shit!_

He carried the drinks back to the table but zoned-out of what was being said, until Kasie tugged on his sleeve.

‘Nick, can I talk to you, um privately?’ she asked glancing about so apprehensively he thought someone was threatening her or something but instead she scuffed her feet remorsefully before addressing him.

‘I’m sorry, I think I pushed the teasing too far and I want to apologise’

‘What are you talking about Kase?’

‘Look I _know_ you and Ellie are an item, I had my suspicions long before your ‘bunny in the headlights’ routine that morning at her place after her surgery-,’

‘Kasie whoa! We um-,’ he scrambled but she flapped her hand dismissively.

‘Let me finish please,’ she pleaded her eyes blinking rapidly as she continued. ‘Tonight was meant to be a little harmless ribbing, to stoke your green-eyed monster a little and get you guys to admit you’ve real feelings for each other, but it looks like I caused friction and I feel _awful_!’ she grimaced uncomfortably.

‘Kasie relax, it wasn’t anything _you_ did; it was all _my_ stupid-ass behaviour and mouth that pissed her off’ he sighed dropping his head defeatedly.

‘But you can fix it, right? You two are like meant to be and you’ll have beautiful babies’ she gushed obviously tipsy, bouncing on the balls of her feet and wobbling enough he had to catch her arm to steady her.

‘I hope so Kasie’ he muttered, bringing her back to Sloane who was bringing her home.

He was half-way home in the taxi when a short text lit up his cell. ‘ _I’m home. Good night’_

No ‘love you’s

No xxx

_Fuck!_

Ok, so she was seriously pissed-off _but_ she did text so there was a chance to salvage this, he just had to give her some space, grovel some and cop himself the fuck on, right?

He resisted the urge to finish off the night with his half-drank bottle of whiskey, he needed to get his shit together and being half-cut wouldn’t help the situation at all. He finally fell asleep sometime around dawn and woke with a jolt to discover it was almost midday. Looking at his phone he saw no new messages, she said she’d talk to him on Monday, guess she was sticking to her guns and he’d abide by her wishes, even though it felt like someone had punched a hole through his chest.

He didn’t have to but with nothing else to do he found himself back at the hospital and opening the room door he was surprised to see Garcia sitting beside Brian Moore’s bed, flicking listlessly through the thick case file compiled so far.

‘Hey, didn’t expect to see you here’ he yawned closing the manila folder.

‘Nor me you either’

‘Loose ends, I hate them’ he explained with a shrug. ‘He’s conscious but sleeping, for now. The forensic psych eval will figure out his rationale for the attacks but I guess I wanted to hear it for myself.’

Nick nodded and took a seat waiting for the answers too.

‘You think I _what_?!’ their suspect baulked in horror, ‘Whoa, guys, like what the fuck!’

‘What’s with the hair, in your apartment?’

‘The- look, that’s not _illegal_ ok, the hair is a waste product, I just upcycle it, prep it and pack it for resale’.

‘What?’

‘Human hair, it’s a commodity there’s good money to be made selling it for wigs, extensions. I have contacts in all the local salons who hold it for me, I can give you a list!’

‘And all the knives, the blades?’ Garcia quizzed him when Nick didn’t, still too stunned at the dude’s weird but believable explanation.

‘You didn’t damage any, did you? They’re collectables, genuine movie memorabilia, worth a fortune!’

‘Why did you touch El-, Agent Bishop’s hair, she told you to stop!’ he interrupted his nerdy _Star Trek_ drivel.

‘She had some tomato in it, and I didn’t hear her! Some asshole college kids started a food-fight and the next thing, boom! I wake up here with a broken nose and a killer headache!’

It all sounded so reasonable, but the circumstantial evidence all pointed directly to this guy who could just be a _very_ convincing liar.

Either way, he called Gibbs to let him know and then hanging up he dialled Ellie. This was work stuff, she’d want to know.

‘Hey, case update’ he shot out before she could roast him for breaking their timeout.

‘Nick, can it wait? I have a stabbing headache’ she told him flatly.

‘You ok?’

‘Yeah, um, talk later ok?’

‘Ok B’

She hung up and he was left staring at his phone.

‘Everything ok Torres?’

‘Um yeah, no, actually I’m not sure. Gibbs asked if you could question him some more, either he lets something slip or he might just know something’.

‘You don’t think it’s him either?’ Garcia suggested shrewdly.

Nick just shrugged; his mind being pulled in too many directions.

‘I’m going to drive over to Bishop’s tell her what’s going on’

‘Tell her I said hi’ Garcia smirked cockily and instantly his temper flared, a dark look flashed through his eyes.

‘Nick relax, I’m _messing_ with you!’ he chuckled ‘I’m a profiler remember, I read body language. I know you have a thing for Bishop’

‘You do huh, then why the hell-?’

‘I like her, and I was testing the waters to see if it was like a big-brother kind of interest in her wellbeing or a well…a more intimate kind of overprotectiveness. She obviously feels the same about you, by the way, you're a lucky guy.’

‘I _was_ a lucky guy, but I may have pissed her off just too far last night’

‘If it makes you feel better, I didn’t like that guy either, just a gut instinct no scientific analysis whatsoever’ he shrugged. ‘Just go talk to her. And bring food, jeez that woman can eat’ he laughed.

He actually took up Garcia’s advice, stopping at her favourite Italian place to pick up a tray of chicken cacciatore and crusty bread still piping hot from the oven. He got to her door and knocked but then realised the food was melting the bag and leaking sauce onto the floor.

‘Shit!’ he hissed tapping on the door again, ‘Ellie, I’m letting myself in before this food is all over the carpet’ he shouted using his emergency key and entering her familiar hallway.

‘Ellie?’

At first, he didn’t notice it. But as he lowered his head in suspicion of the stillness of the apartment, he staggered back at the sight of the red liquid on the floor. The colour swirled in his mind.

Blood.


	8. Gut-wrenching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see the tags! Warning, dark stuff, do not continue if it upsets, you have been warned!

He groaned, his pounding head lolled forward, his mouth dry and stomach sick.

Tick, tick, tick. He’d never realised her kitchen clock was so damn loud.

Blinking into wakefulness he looked around and suddenly the icy shards of fear and flames of fury in his gut threatened to engulf him again.

Now he remembered.

His eyes had followed the trail of blood from the hallway to find her sitting silently at her kitchen table and he bizarrely noticed her clothes were the same ones she had worn to the bar the night before. When she tried to say his name, her cracked lips failing at the first syllable, he knew it was her but the voice was all wrong, like she was speaking while being choked. In one shattered moment his heart and breathing stopped, just stopped. He saw her face was a mess of bruises and congealed blood and even though she screamed out shaking her head he still ran to her but too late, he'd sprung the trap and here they were ensnared and at his mercy.

It wasn’t a clock, the pit-pattering sound was blood, his or hers he wasn’t sure, dripping in dull, rhythmic, splashing droplets, pooling beneath them on the linoleum floor. He almost gagged at the pervasive smell of blood.  
The unrelenting agony of both the throbbing of deep visceral wounds and stinging pain from superficial slashes was almost unbearable.

If he was going to kill him, at this point he was inclined to let him. 

That was until he heard her muffled squeals as Boyd pressed the blade to Ellie’s exposed neck. The room was humid, he was drenched in sweat, and his stomach heaved again as he watched the tears roll down her ravaged face. One eye swollen shut, her cheek grazed and puffy. Her arm was wrapped around her guts like she was holding them in and to be honest she'd been beaten so badly she could be.

_Jesus Christ!_

Her hair, her beautiful golden hair, what was left of it, stuck out in all directions, hacked off strands festooning her shoulders like a halo. While it wasn’t a physical injury every time the guy sheared off another lock was like a knife in his heart. Humiliation, the bastard seemed to thrive on it.

Boyd was pacing around the living room again, maniacally muttering to himself. He gripped another knife in his twitchy hand, strands of golden hair glued to the caked, drying blood dulling the metal of the blade.

‘Oh good, you’re back with us, we can start this again’

He spat a mouthful of blood onto the floor just centimetres from Boyd’s shoes, ‘Fuck you!’

‘Wrong answer’ Boyd chuckled, punching Ellie hard in the face, busting her lip this time. For someone who claimed his whole life revolved around rekindling their relationship, he had no problems hurting her.

‘Look, man, we told you, she is my work partner, that’s it, she’s telling you the truth!’.

Boyd’s sick game of truth had been going on for almost an hour now by his reckoning and he really didn’t know how much more Ellie could take, her face was wet with a mix of sweat, tears and a frightening amount of blood, she sagged limply on her chair trying to shut her body down, an attempt at protecting herself maybe from feeling her injuries, her fear.

‘Let’s start again, ladies first, who was the last person that fucked you?”

She gulped, a fresh rivulet of blood dripped down her neck from where he had picked out each of the sutures until the wound had reopened.

‘You’ she whispered her eyes downcast and fixed on the knife that pierced through the flesh of her hand, nailing it to the kitchen table, gruesomely matching his own. He’d never asked Ellie about her past relationships; he knew from her embarrassing disclosure during the time at the hospital a few weeks ago that she hadn’t been ‘active’ this past year, he couldn’t imagine how much more this admission would hurt for her.

‘Liar!’ Boyd bellowed spraying spittle into her face, before calming himself, switching again between psycho-killer and charming lovesick gentleman. He turned towards her, ‘Ellie, we made love, please don’t denigrate it’ he brushed her bruised cheek with his fingers almost gently before his hand snapped away curling into a fist. 

‘Which hand?’ Boyd snorted through his instant fury, the question directed at him again in the tit-for-tat question-answer-punishment routine.

‘Left’ he muttered resigned to more pain, that hand already a useless bloody mess with the blade ran through it.

‘ _Right_ it is’ he sneered gleefully.

With one hand Boyd grabbed his wrist still strapped to the farmhouse kitchen chair with a cable tie, and with the other his ring finger. Boyd looked him square in the eyes as he snapped it backwards, the sound was sickening, and searing white light flashed through his brain as the blinding pain registered. He didn’t recognise the snarling that erupted from him as his own voice. But he swallowed it down quickly, this prick would not get-off on enjoying his suffering.

‘Your turn. Who’s the last person you fucked?’

‘My girlfriend, Elena’ he panted staring straight ahead, determined not to look down to assess the damage, out of sight out of mind, right?

‘When?’

‘I don’t know, a couple of days ago maybe!’ he fabricated rapidly.

‘Liars! Both of you!’ he screamed and paced over to Ellie, ‘Which arm?’ he demanded, upping the game.

Ellie sat silent, her busted lip quivering, refusing or just unable to give him the pleasure of her compliance with his demands.

‘Mine’ he growled swallowing down bile, the prelude to hurling his guts in anticipation of another broken bone.

Boyd turned to him, a fire of malice and hatred burned wildly in his eyes.

‘So, chivalry is alive and well. But I can see this is getting us nowhere. Ellie honey, we agreed you need to be punished but you know I don’t like hurting you. My mom always insisted on being firm but fair. She said all women these days were whiny and without morals. But you were different Ellie, I told her that…’

Great, they were getting another Norman Bates-type screwball monologue detailing how fucked up his relationship was with his very dead mother. Oh yeah, seems mommy dearest had been dearly departed for quite some time. He tuned out, waiting for the bastard to get to his point.

‘I know you're lying, the two of you are. He has a key to your apartment, sweetie’

Ludicrously the guy was now kneeling beside her tenderly dabbing her facial wounds, the ones he himself had inflicted, with a warm, damp cloth, while she tried not to flinch.

‘Boyd he’s just my team-mate, we all have spare keys for emergencies, that’s it’ she croaked, her tone placating and reasonable.

‘Stop lying! I saw you both, _kissing_ , last week at the cinema on 9th Street’

_Fuck! Had he been following them?_

‘Working an undercover case, that’s just the job’ he jumped in as real panic flashed across her face.

‘All this time it was _him_ wasn’t it. That’s why you cancelled our date then blew me off every time I tried to reschedule with lame excuses about work stuff…you were fucking him’ he snarled, his lip curling back in disgust.

‘No Boyd I swear!’ she flicked a loaded glance across the table at him either willing him to keep quiet or to maybe back her up he didn’t know. He went with the latter option and regretted it almost immediately.

‘It was me, dude, _I_ sent the text cancelling your date. I had no idea what was going on with you guys. We were on a crazy case, she couldn’t answer the phone so I texted you back, my bad. And by the way- _overload_ man, you sent like twenty texts an hour! _Seriously_!’ he shook his head theatrically knowing mocking the dickhead would blow a fuse.

Yeah, probably a very bad move but if he was angrier at him, maybe it would spare Ellie getting another beating …or worse.

He could see the vein on the guy’s temple pulsate with burgeoning fury as he processed his revelation. He stood staring fixated at the fireplace where the framed photo of Ellie and him with the rest of the team at McGee’s wedding was propped front and centre. Boyd seemed to be literally warring with himself, whatever the fuck going on in his fucked-up head detaching him briefly from the real world.

He took the opportunity to move his pinned hand infinitesimally to bridge the distance to hers, the movement causing agony as he pushed against the immobilising blade but it was worth it as he caressed her pinkie finger with his own, in that fleeting contact he poured all his love and comfort and a wordless promise he would get them out of this.

Ellie lifted her bloodshot swollen eyes to his and returned his every emotion, and for a second or two it was just them and everything was going to be ok. They snatched their fingers back but too late.

They’d given the game away.

Boyd pulled up his own chair with a noisy, skidding screech and sat down, his eyes flicking between them like a tennis match.

‘You and _him_ ’ he mumbled, his deathly quiet voice dripping contempt.

‘Boyd please you have this all wrong, I’m not seeing anyone, I’m sorry I broke up with you, but we can start again… if you just let Torres go’ Ellie pleaded rashly and like a viper he struck her with a slap across her already puffy cheek.

‘That’s true love isn’t it?” he barked a sarcastic laugh at him.

‘I-? ’ Ellie sniffed scrunching her watering eye up, baffled by his chummy tone.

‘He cancelled our date; you lie about it and I punish you and yet you still try to save him’ he sing-songed flipping his finger between them. ‘Were you in love with him even back then? Were you fucking him _while_ we were together?’

‘We’ve _never_ -!’

He slapped her again, but Ellie spat out bloody saliva and just ploughed on, her chest heaving as she finally reached breaking point.

‘You want us to say we have but we haven’t, you just want someone to blame for what you’ve done, what you are! You're a killer Boyd, a murderer!’ She spat the words at him, the feistiest she’d been in the whole time he’d been tied to the damn chair.

But it was a mistake.

Boyd smiled, ‘except by your admission you’ve been keeping yourself for me.’

‘ _Keeping_ myself?’ she shook her head in confusion, but a horrifying dread welled up from his core, his worst fear, that this whole shitshow was just a warm-up to Boyd’s final punishment.

Everything, the stabbings, the murders, everything had been about his obsession with Ellie. The other victims were just imitations of her, when they disappointed him, rejected him he lashed out. Knowing he’d been right all along, that this was all about Ellie, that she was his target gave him no satisfaction. He just prayed someone else in the team would figure it out before it was too late but it was Sunday afternoon, they believed they had their man...

By the look on her face, the realisation of what Boyd was intimating had hit her too and she bit down on her bloody lip to try hold in a strangled sob. 

‘I will fucking kill you if-’ he snarled straining at his restraints starting the bleeding off again.

‘-See, look at that, so protective, so much love’ he barbed cynically. ‘Your pitiful romance is really touching, so I’ve decided to let you both live, Ellie… _if_ you comply.’

‘You're _not_ going to kill us now?’ he grunted incredulously as he watched silent tears drip from Ellie’s chin.

‘Nope. _You_ just have to punish her for me’. Boyd was still grinning, ‘It's that easy!’. He stood and leaning down over him he whispered in his ear, ‘but when we’re done, she’ll shudder when someone even says your name’. 

_Oh, so that’s the new twisted game!_

‘I’m not going to hurt her. Do what you want to me, I won’t do it’. His hoarse voice didn’t break, his lips trembled, a reflex response to the pain and blood loss, but his voice remained strong.

‘Well, aren’t you just adorable’ he patted his cheek patronisingly before sauntering over to his sushi-making kit spread out on the kitchen countertop, the kit he'd bought only because Ellie said she liked sushi when they were dating.

‘Now this is a sashimi sushi knife’ he explained, demonstrating its sharpness on the pad of his thumb, ‘used to fillet fish. Supremely efficient at peeling skin from flesh. It’s called flaying, when you remove the epidermis and expose the nerves, excruciatingly painful or so I’ve read. Or this one is a Deba blade’, he proudly displayed his other tool, ‘cuts through bone like butter. Choose’

‘I won’t hurt her, so just get on with it’ he snorted sticking out his arm as far as the cable tie would allow, gritting his teeth in preparation.

‘Oh apologies, I wasn’t clear. The choice isn’t between which knife. And no, I’m not foolish enough to give you a weapon. No, I’m going to cut her _and_ _then you_ unless, let’s see- eeny meeny miny moe’, slowly he counted out the rhyme on her skewered hand, ‘you break _this_ finger’ he pointed to her little finger, the one he had just caressed, with the sashimi knife, the razor-sharp tip pricking the skin until a tiny crimson dot welled up.

Reaching across the wooden table Boyd abruptly pulled the knife out from her pinioned hand, releasing it from its impalement eliciting only a low exhausted groan from her and prodded a now unrestrained Ellie to her feet. She stood, weak on her feet, swaying slightly.

‘Give him your hand, honey’ Boyd purred, delighted with this new playbook of rules.

‘No, I won’t-,’ he growled through clenched teeth.

‘Nick, he wants you to refuse, don’t let him win.’

‘Isn’t she clever, Nick? But I’ll be honest, it’s a win-win for me’.

Their eyes met again, tuning out Boyd’s voice, her every battered feature screamed ‘survive’ as she placed her hand firmly in his. The plastic ligature cut further into his wrist as he tried to console her with just his touch.

Her hand was shaking, sticky and scarlet but unflinching. It would never be consent, but it was the closest he could hope for.

The crunch and resulting scream from her were gut-wrenching. Her knees buckled and she instantly threw up onto the floor beside him. He made himself look at her, look at the damage he’d inflicted and even as her eyes brimmed with tears she managed to wink at him, giving her absolution, letting him know she was ok.

He still felt sick.

‘Here let me’ Boyd hummed solicitously, assisting her to her feet and back to her chair while she braced her bloody, misshapen hand against her abdomen. The fucker even wiped her sweaty brow combing back the jagged, cropped lengths of her hair from her damp face. He gave her a few minutes to gather herself.

‘Let’s do that again, shall we?’

She was more reluctant this time, he could see her throat gulping as she worked on swallowing down her nausea but still, she placed her hand in his.

‘Ellie I can’t-,’ he stammered, baulking at committing another unforgivable offence.

‘Do it!’ she spat out, snorting staccato breaths in anticipation of pain.

By the third finger, she looked at him with apprehensive fear, her hand pulling back flinching with dread as he touched her.

This was killing him. He could barely breathe with remorse and guilt and visceral hatred for Boyd. 

‘See how easily he hurts you honey, not even a second thought. He needs to be punished’ 

Ellie opened her mouth to protest at their tormentor changing the rules again but decided against it and she glanced at him, it was the first time their eyes had met since he snapped her middle finger, only this time she looked away, neither seeking nor finding comfort in his face.

‘Now Ellie _you_ choose; me or him?’

‘What do you mean?’ she asked robotically, pain having completely chiselled away her earlier belligerence, 

‘Now is not to time to be coy Eleanor, you can save you ‘ _partner’s_ ’ life just by proving how special we are together.’ He carefully perused his black fabric knife-roll and slid a long, narrow blade out of the pocket of the roll.

‘Be with me and he lives, or refuse and I carve out his kidneys. Ellie complies or Nick dies’ he sniggered at his own apparent poetic wit.

‘Ellie, no, ok! Just _no!_ ’ he blurted out, frantically trying to convince her as Boyd bent down from behind her whispering hissing, sibilant words for her hearing only. Locking his eyes on his, goading him, Boyd’s lips moved down to her neck, the uninjured side, and nipped at the tender skin. Her skin bruised so easily, he knew it would make a mark. It seemed like their captor did too. He began to suck at her skin furiously until Ellie let out a noise of discomfort.

‘Tell him you choose me, Ellie’

That was the moment when he let out a savage growl, his jaw clenched while his hands balled tightly into fists, doing even more damage to his speared hand but he was beyond the capacity for rational thought. He ignored the slashes that ran like tiger stripes across his thighs, the hobbling slice at his ankle, every sinew straining against his bindings so he could rip the guy limb from limb.

Boyd merely smirked at his futile efforts and positioned himself beside his chair, his grip curled around the wooden handle of his sashimi knife that now pierced the skin of his right flank.

She just nodded, that was all she did, but it was enough for Boyd to crow with delight.

‘Ellie please, no, I'm not worth this, please don’t-,’ he begged her but she tilted up her jaw in that stubborn-ass way of hers. and he knew there was no talking her out of it and a defeated sob escaped him. 'B, please cariño' 

‘It’s ok. Confía en mí’ she whispered, _trust me._ She slowly stood up and unsteadily walked away without a backward glance, out of his eyesight and into her room.

‘I’m leaving you alive’ he hissed triumphantly ‘so you can suffer like I suffered. Now you get to watch, well listen, voyeurism is offensive. She chose me, but she’ll always blame you’ he crooned.

It took a couple of seconds to realise Boyd had pushed the razor-sharp blade hilt-deep into his side just below his ribs.

The rage in his heart was fading, quickly being replaced by hopelessness. He closed his eyes, squeezing them shut tightly, a traitorous tear escaping, making its way down his cheek but he clearly heard Boyd chuckle as he followed Ellie into her bedroom and closed the door.


	9. Gutted

For years he’d worried that someone from his past, from the dangerous myriad of murky missions as an undercover agent would emerge from the shadows and hurt someone he loved. He’d already been responsible for the death of his brother-in-law and had almost lost Lucia and Amanda in the same hit.

Because of _him_ , because of _his_ job.

He’d promised himself never to put the ones he loved at risk again, so he’d quit covert assignments and become a desk agent, part of a team.

He’d met Ellie, sweet, perfect, untainted, too good for him Bishop.

But it was Ellie's past that did the damage this time, well, it was _his_ interference in her life that had set off this cascade of horror.

All his fault.

He was responsible because he’d sent Boyd that offhand text cancelling their date unbeknownst to Ellie because he was gut-sickened with jealousy, even back then. Although he didn’t know it or understand his feelings for a long time, he’d _wanted_ her from the moment they’d met.

He just didn’t have the balls to say it.

Instead, he’d used a cowardly, juvenile dick move to obstruct her relationship with a guy simply because he loathed seeing her with anyone else. He couldn’t risk losing her to some other man, but _he_ still dated, flaunted his relationships, always irrationally trying to get her attention… because he loved her.

By the time he’d figured that out and finally told her he’d almost lost her to a medical emergency. Even when she said she loved him too, his wants, his needs, his jealousy had pushed her away.

So, now the person he loved most in the world was being hurt, because of him, because of his actions.

He felt sick, there was a metallic taste of blood in his mouth, but his mouth was dry. His thoughts were becoming foggy, sluggish and surreal. He didn’t know what to do for the best.

Holler out to raise the alarm and Ellie could get killed.

Let it happen and Ellie would get…

He could even think about what was going on behind that door.

Every now and then he heard the indistinct hum of their voices, indistinguishable words but no shouting, no screaming, no crying.

He feared the worst but was undecided what that even was, her compliance and quiet acceptance, or courageous defiance to the end.

He was losing his own battle, he knew that. It was getting harder to breathe, to stay awake, his heart raced but only simmering in the background of his consciousness. His tee-shirt and jeans were soaked through with his blood, the ever-growing puddle of crimson oozed silently across the floor. Boyd’s parting gift would finish him soon enough and Ellie's capitulation to spare him would’ve been for nothing.

He was nothing, not worth anything she had to give.

His smart mouth had gotten her hurt, had enraged their nut-job captor. He’d failed to protect her, failed to get her out safe and if that wasn’t bad enough, he’d actually hurt her himself and inflicted so much pain that she'd dreaded his touch. His brutish hands had snapped her delicate bones, her beautifully elegant hands were crushed into an unrecognisable mess and what had they gained from her sacrifice?

Nothing.

He was still going to die, and she would never recover even if she did survive.

Because of him; it was all his fault and he would go to his grave, fairly soon by the looks of it, guilt-ridden, haunted, responsible for this chaotic butterfly effect.

Time had lost all meaning; it could have been five minutes or five hours since that door closed. Everywhere hurt but the side-splitting, lancing pain had diminished to a spreading, vague numbness. He felt cold and so tired and he couldn’t remember why he was fighting sleep.

Then someone was shaking him out of his lull.

‘Nick, wake up! Come on, please wake up!’ he fought to open his eyes at the sound of her voice, but his mind rejected what he saw.

‘ _Ellie?_ ’ croaked brokenly as he took in the blood saturating her blouse, splattering her face. 

‘Yeah, come on, just keep talking’ she ordered him and he felt her fingers press on his carotid artery but the darkness dragged him back.

He hissed as the knife pinning his hand to the bloodstained table was pulled out, wincing as his other was released, a blade slicing through the plastic ligature. He groaned as pressure was applied to his flank, the welcome numbness replaced by blazing agony, as he slumped sideways unable to hold himself upright on the chair. He landed on the floor with a thump jarring all his wounds.

They had to get away, she had to get out.

‘Ellie, where- Boyd?’ he panted out and he heard a stifled whimper at the utterance of the name.

‘He’s dead Nick, it’s over.’ she muttered impassively, her voice tightly controlled.

‘Ellie, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry-,’ he sobbed brokenheartedly

‘Shhhh, not now…’

He drifted off again, deeper, farther, then silence but visions of a wraith-like Ellie haunted him, pointing a crooked finger accusing him, damning him.

He could hear other voices, urgent, loud, familiar and strange. Gibbs, barking orders, Garcia telling him to hold on. Prodding poking probing pain. He hadn't really noticed the blood on his own ruined hands. In the blue glow of the ambulance light, the skin in-between was ghostly pale and the blood streaks almost black, only reddish when the light shone right on them.

When next he looked, they were bandaged and braced and elevated on a white starched pillow across his abdomen.

Sore, he was stiff and sore and thirsty, and his mouth tasted disgusting, all sticky and gummy. Without opening his eyes, he knew he was in hospital, only there can you be expected to sleep through phones ringing, monitors beeping, trolleys clattering, call-bells buzzing but people whisper in hushed tones so as not to wake you.

And the smells, clinical disinfectant, crappy over-cooked cuisine, and stale body odour…ok that last one was probably him.

‘Hey, welcome back’ Sloane murmured in that cheerful voice visitors use with sick people, ‘do you need a drink? Just sips allowed I’m afraid’ she smiled apologetically.

He sucked greedily through the offered straw before she pulled it away, but as the water hit his throat the resulting cough-induced stabbing pain would’ve floored him had he not been lying down already.

‘Where’s Ellie?’ he wheezed.

‘She’s ok, on a different floor. She um, had to have some surgery to repair an internal tear’

‘A tear- _what_?’ he ran through all her injuries and that didn’t compute.

_Oh god!_

‘She was kicked and punched in the abdomen at some stage, it caused a uterine tear where she just had her recent procedure. She’s doing ok now-,’

‘Did they have to-?’

‘Do a hysterectomy? No, but it was a close one. Her other physical injuries were less severe. It’ll take time to heal’

‘Is she- ok? I mean, he - I couldn’t-,’ He couldn’t say the words, his breath froze in his chest until it erupted in a shuddering sob.

‘Nick’ Jack consoled him with a comforting hand on his shoulder, ‘Ellie’s ok’ she told him firmly, ‘she’ll talk to you when she’s ready’.

‘I doubt it’ he muttered more to himself than her.

‘Why do you say that?’ she asked, her shrewd eyes switching from friend to psychologist mode.

He just shrugged mutely, he was too ashamed to go into it, to let others know his failures.

‘Don’t borrow tomorrow’s troubles, Nick. ‘ _Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof’’_ she quoted succinctly. ‘So, in that vein, you have some recovering to do yourself. They managed to suture your Achilles tendon, but you’ll be in a lower leg cast for about four weeks, and then physio. Your finger fracture is buddy-taped, most of the slash wounds and the one through your palm have been surgically closed and they should heal well. The penetrating stab wound lacerated your kidney and your liver. You lost a lot of blood, a cool scar but there should be no long-lasting effects.’

The litany of damage was extensive but he only half-listened nodding where it seemed appropriate to respond. He didn’t care about himself, only Ellie and he knew Jack wouldn’t tell him anything other than she was ok. He was about to quiz her some more when a tap at the door revealed Garcia.

‘Hey, up to a visit? I can go if you guys are in the middle of something’

‘Nope, I’ll leave you boys to it’ Sloane smiled, waving as she left.

Garcia sprawled on the armchair, his posture lithe and relaxed but his face anything but.

‘I’m sorry Torres’ he started bluntly without preamble. ‘It’s my job to figure out these cases, Boyd Radley had more red flags than a North Korean military parade and I missed them until it was almost too late’.

‘Well, you got him in the end, right?’

‘Nick, _I_ didn’t kill him,’ he shook his head incredulously, ‘ _Bishop_ did. I thought you knew’.

‘ _What_?’

Garcia sat forward on his seat and gave him an appraising once-over before deciding he was up to hearing the details.

‘She had a knife taped to the back of her headboard, something about a Law 9?’

‘Rule 9’ he corrected him with a wry smile, of course she did, after all, he had one under his mattress.

‘She um, well, she gave him a cute new smile’ he grimaced swiping his thumb across his neck. ‘Bled out in the bedroom. I got there just after, found her doing one-handed first aid on you’.

So, Ellie had saved herself _and_ him. Quick thinking, ruthlessly resourceful, a tenacious survivor yeah, she really could look after herself. He wondered why he was still surprised by her capabilities, he seemed to always underestimate her and overrate himself.

‘How did you know?’ he asked hoarsely clearing his throat, still dry and scratchy.

‘Well, a couple of things all clicked at once. I wasn’t feeling Brian Moore for our perp. Once you left the hospital, I pulled Boyd’s DMV photo. I _really_ didn’t like him plus I don’t believe in coincidences’ he explained cynically. ‘Moore said he’d seen him a couple of times in the coffee shop, that he worked nearby. His accountancy office is actually across the street, overlooking the salon’.

‘The arrogant fuck!’ he burst out heatedly, hissing as the sudden movement causing a sharp pain that ricocheted from his groin to his armpit and everywhere in between.

‘Huh?’

‘He literally left his calling card with that damn Japanese cocktail, on a table chock-full of NCIS agents. If I’d just looked at it…’ Garcia blinked in surprise he obviously hadn’t thought of that angle.

‘Narcissistic’ the profiler agreed, ‘I sent the DMV photo to the survivors and they IDed him as a guy they had dated, ‘Brad’ and ‘Bradley’- _B_ oyd _Rad_ ley. I tried to call you, but your cell was switched off, so I called Gibbs’.

Nick was quiet for a few moments and Garcia continued.

‘Boyd Radley was a psychopath; charming, intelligent, manipulative and utterly lacking in empathy. His mother was cruel and vindictive according to her own doctor and her son was heavily influenced by her. She died last January, and I believe Bishop broke up with him around the same time and that seems to have been the catalyst for his more extreme beliefs and behaviours, the two traumas triggering a psychotic spiral. It was always going to end badly, you were both lucky, it could have been a lot worse.’

So, it was his fault. 

And no, it couldn’t have been worse. He should’ve just died quicker, before she felt she needed to save his sorry ass, before she …

Garcia laid his hand on his shoulder, but it felt different than when Sloane had done so earlier. The BAU profiler had seen the aftermath of god knows how many horrendous situations; with his masculine gesture and compassionate understanding look, he silently told him he knew the emotional turmoil he was going through.

There was something in his throat that felt like he was swallowing thorns. He had to deflect, had to.

‘I think you may need to check the dictionary definition of ‘lucky’ there, Garcia’ he chuckled breaking the moment.

‘Call me, when you need to talk, Nick’ he replied sombrely as he got up, ‘and get some rest dude, you look like shit’ he smirked at him as he left.

Almost two weeks had passed since it happened, and everyone on the team had visited him.

Everyone except Ellie.

There were no texts or calls from her either. He took it as a fairly damning indictment of her feelings about his role in the whole catastrophe.

After the first few days of receiving only the very briefest, ‘she’s ok, doing better’ updates with poignant, awkward glances in his direction he just stopped asking. He overheard Sloane and Kasie whispering outside his room last week that she had been discharged, gone home, he assumed to Oklahoma for a couple of weeks. The distance the final nail in the coffin of their relationship.

They’d lived a daydream and a nightmare together.

They had survived the horror.

But it had killed the dream.

He had never felt so alone, so lost... so incapable of doing even the smallest tasks. And this was only the beginning, the beginning of the pain, the suffering and the endless congo-line of emotions that were in store for him.

He knew one thing for sure, he had to get the fuck out of that hospital room before he went nuts.

The asshole had sliced through his ankle tendon to hobble him and his damaged hands ached with the effort of supporting himself on his crutches, but he obstinately pushed himself to do laps up and down the corridor until he felt clammy and shaky with exertion. His surgical drains and drips were gone, most of his sutured wounds were healing well. He’d have to get used to the countless marks and ugly scars on his thighs, arms and torso but the nurses had assured him they’d fade over time, suggesting oils and silicone gel to help the cosmetic healing process.

He didn’t care about any of that, he was disgusted with himself inside, why should his outside be any different?

With some devious sweet-talking to his medical team, he convinced them he was all set to go home, could totally manage, had plenty of support, loads of family to fuss over him, that he’d attend all appointments and counselling on an outpatient basis, absolutely.

He signed the papers and got a cab home, already dreading the ‘talk’ Gibbs would have with him about going AMA- his balls and a verbal vice-grip sprang to mind. He knew the boss had expected he’d stay with him to convalesce just like after the car accident…but he’d been the hero then.

He fumbled a little with his key in the door, trying to balance lopsidedly on one crutch and as the door opened, he held his breath fully expecting to get assaulted by the stale waft of soured milk and rotting trash can after two weeks of unoccupancy.

What he didn’t expect was hearing the metallic click of a gun being cocked inches from his head.


	10. Do what your gut says.

‘What are _you_ doing here!?’ they both blurted in unison.

The strength left his legs and he stumbled, his crutch crashing to the floor just as she dropped her gun. She dived to his side, nestling herself under his arm, her hands wrapped around his middle supporting him with her surprisingly strong frame preventing him from falling to the ground.

‘Nick, lean on me’.

It took a moment for the spinning to stop.

Gingerly put his hand on her shoulder just enough to steady himself, tentatively judging her every movement, waiting for a recoiling flinch away from his touch.

He didn’t know what shocked him more, that she was in his apartment, that she’d even offer to help him or that her hands were already propping him up, helping him to the sofa.

Once he was sitting down, and she was satisfied that he had enough cushions squished in around him, she dashed to the kitchen and poured him a glass of water handing it to him and it was only then he noticed his fingers shaking and his neck was clammy. She stood in front of him wringing her hands, well sort of, her right hand was in a moulded fibre-glass splint to correct her broken bones. While her eyes twitched nervously, he’d put money on his own being out on stalks.

‘Ellie-?’

‘I’m so sorry, about the gun and all’ she apologised, her eyes flicking to his and away again. She looked tired and pale, dark shadows marred her under eyes. ‘I um, didn’t know you were being let out of the hospital-,’

‘Ellie it’s fine, I got myself discharged, against medical advice but-,’

‘You did _what_! _Nick!_ ’ she yelled at him incredulously her voice wavering on the hysterical. ‘You have to go back, you can’t jeopardise your recovery, I’m calling Gibbs-,’. She was already fumbling with her phone.

‘Ellie, stop, look at me. I’m fine, they would’ve let me out in the next couple of days anyways. I just wanted to come home’.

He could only see a portion of her face as she was wearing a soft grey woolly hat, the type with two huge pom-poms that seemed to dwarf her head and then he remembered: her hair. She usually had golden locks cascading around her shoulders but now just the hat cuff was pulled down so low it was covering her ears. He saw her downcast eyes were wet with tears, the exposed areas of her face, neck and chest were a kaleidoscope of purple, green and yellowing bruises and scabbed cuts but her lip at least had healed up, she was back to chewing on it again the endearing habit oddly reassuring.

‘Of course, yeah, of course’ she mumbled nodding distractedly, ‘I’ll um, just grab my things and go’.

He was about to object but she abruptly turned on her heel and rushed out of the living room and into the bedroom, _his_ bedroom. He hauled himself up and followed her, grimacing as he let his plastic-booted foot do more work than it had in the past fortnight. Ellie was haphazardly gathering items, a tee-shirt, a tube of facial cream, her mint polka-dot covered Kindle and shoving them into her go-bag.

It took him a minute to notice what had been staring him in the face since he saw her; she was wearing his clothes. His sweatpants were pulled tight, the excess bulky fabric gathered ridiculously around her tiny waist, and his zip-up hoodie was hanging loosely off her shoulders, the sleeves turned back at the cuffs. She was even wearing his sports socks.

But it was the charcoal sheets that she was hurriedly trying to fix up one-handedly on his ruffled bed that got his stunned attention.

‘Ellie, have you been _sleeping_ here?’

She froze.

‘I’m sorry, I know I should’ve asked but um, I couldn’t go back… to my apartment’

‘So, you came _here_?’

‘I’m safe here’ she whispered, ‘I can sleep when I’m in your bed, I feel safe when I’m close to you’.

‘How can you say that?’ he barked in disbelief.

‘ _What_? What do you mean?’

‘ _I_ hurt you, being _close_ to me got you hurt, got you _raped_!’ he spat out his throat tightening with self-loathing.

‘Nick, I wasn’t raped!’

‘No, it was worse, you were coerced to _comply_ with the sick bastard to save _me_!’ he replied brokenly his chest heaving as he tried to handle the excruciating guilt that was encircling his chest like a vine, slowly strangling him.

She took a deep breath and looked him squarely in the eye.

‘Nick, _nothing_ happened, ok? He…um, _couldn’t,_ you know _.._.’ She pointed awkwardly at his groin, pulling a face with a gesture that he took to indicate, well, a limp-dick moment.

In any other circumstance, her portrayal would’ve been comical, but he could only stare at in her open-mouthed shock.

Slowly what she was saying sank in. His lungs stuttered to a stop and his chin dropped to his chest as he wilted against the edge of the bed. The burden of overwhelming guilt that had been eating him from the inside out evaporated and the crushing weight of anguish lifted from his chest with just those few words.

_Nothing happened._

Unbidden his eyes filled with tears and his voice faltered into stuttering unintelligible croaks as he choked into his bandaged palm unable to articulate his relief. Then her hand was on his cheek soothing and comforting him as he squinched his eyes shut trying to stop the tears and he leaned into her touch as a strangled sob escaped his lips in place of actual words.

‘It’s okay, I’m ok’ she crooned over and over, her arms wrapped around his neck, holding him close as she stroked his hair.

He trembled as he clung tightly to her, holding her in his arms where she fit like a missing piece, burying his face in her neck and his breathing erratic and heavy. They stayed like that for some time, him drawing strength and comfort from her, and her giving him what he needed, soothing him until he calmed.

Ellie pulled back slightly so she could see him and took his face in her hands. ‘Look, can we sit down so we can talk, you're very pale and I need to take some painkillers-,’

He stepped out of her embrace reluctantly, the loss of contact a visceral pain and looked down at her worriedly.

‘Are you-, are you ok?’ his eyes swiftly giving her a check-over.

‘I will be. I um, had to have some more surgery for bleeding…’ she explained delicately.

‘Yeah, Sloane said, but you're _ok_ right? I mean, no _permanent_ damage?’

‘No, but I’ll be ‘out of action’’ she emphasized the phrase blushing furiously ‘for about six months’.

‘As long as you’re ok B, that’s _all_ that matters’ he reassured her firmly, but he sensed her nervous tension was still bubbling just below the surface.

‘Do you want some coffee or tea?’ she asked suddenly in an effort to dispel the fraught atmosphere.

He looked around the apartment and noticed so many little things that looked different, made it homelier, warmer somehow, more lived in. It was her presence that brightened the place.

‘You must think I’m so rude asking you, this is your home and I’ve intruded and maybe I should just go-,’

‘Ellie, you are welcome here anytime, all the time. I’m just shocked to see you here at all! I thought you were in Oklahoma’

‘I couldn’t go home like _this_ , Nick’ she muttered doing an all-encompassing swish of her hand at her bruised and battered self. ‘I just needed some time to myself’ she replied softly to his unspoken question as to why she didn’t go stay with someone on the team.

He nodded understandingly following her back to his small living area and with a wince propped himself upright in the corner of the couch as she shuffled off towards the kitchen already clattering utensils. Apparently, there was now stuff in his usually bare cupboards and fridge because she presented him with a milked coffee and one of his favourite banana blueberry muffins.

‘I did some online shopping and got some groceries delivered’ she squirmed awkwardly pointing to the snack, ‘I um, hope you don’t mind’

He gave her a playful scathing look attempting to put her old-school, drilled-in social etiquette manners at ease.

‘Oh my god, B this is _so_ good’ he closed his eyes in bliss with the first bite, ‘hospital food sucks!’.

She hummed in agreement as she ensconced herself at the other end of the sofa, sipping on some kind of herbal tea and he could almost hear her brain cogs turning as her simmering anxiety level roiled to a boil. When Ellie hesitantly glanced his way, he could see she was one more blow away from breaking.

It was time.

‘I’m sorry’ they burst out talking over each other again and both laughed nervously.

‘Ladies first’ he offered innocently, but he snapped his mouth shut wishing he could bite off his own tongue as the recollection of Boyd saying that flashed between them both. ‘Fuck, Ellie I'm-,’

‘Nick it’s ok’ she shrugged, swallowing nervously before she took a deep cleansing breath. ‘I need to apologise for not coming to see you-,’ her expression was guarded as she spoke the words which, knowing Ellie, she’d probably practised a hundred times in her head.

‘It’s ok to blame me Ellie, I know it was my fault’

‘ _What?_ Nick _no_!’

‘I started this whole fucked-up saga off by cancelling –,’

‘Stop, Nick please just stop!’ she held up her good hand, ‘It’s not your fault, its _mine!’_

‘Ok you're going to have to explain how you came to _that_ conclusion B!’

‘If I hadn’t been mad at you for being… _overprotective_ , I would’ve engaged my brain a little and figured out that Bo-, _he_ was the guy. From the start I refused to accept this was about _me_ , I thought you just wanted to be all macho and defend me or something’ she added rolling her eyed wryly.

‘The bar was just too much of a coincidence, but I still refused to see it as anything more than you being jealous and not trusting me. When I got home there was a knock at the door, I thought it was you even after I asked for a timeout and I was so stubborn-ass mad I opened the door without even checking, unarmed and just he pushed in. He said he wanted to talk but I knew, I just knew.’ She nervously picked at the velcro on her hand brace her eyes glassy with halted tears.

‘Ellie, you don’t have to talk about this-,’

‘I want to explain, and I need to tell someone’ she whispered wiping away a tear with the back of her undamaged hand.

‘Then tell me, I’m here, whatever you need’

‘I told him I had to text you about getting home safe or there’d be an alert, I thought you might pick up that I didn’t add ‘I love you’,’

‘I just thought you were still mad with me’

‘Exactly!’ she huffed like her point had been proven somehow ‘Anyhow, then he just punched and kicked me and eventually I think I blacked out.’ She said it so impassively, but he flinched involuntarily feeling each blow. 

‘When I came-to he had me sitting at the kitchen table, insanely babbling on about his mother and the other women he dated who let him down. Then you called with the update and I said I had a ‘stabbing’ headache. I thought it was the cavalry arriving when you let yourself in but -,’

‘But it was just me because I hadn’t noticed any of that because I had my head up my ass feeling sorry for myself’ he berated himself, sickened at his failed chances to save her sooner.

‘I saw he was escalating once you were there, I knew I had a hidden knife in the bedroom and I kinda knew that’s what he really wanted, well, he wanted _you_ to think that. I needed him to believe that I had turned against you with the- finger fractures’ she winced; her voice pained knowing he was haunted by the pain he had caused her.

‘He’d have never believed I’d flipped sides and suddenly started _wanting_ him, but he would believe I’d reluctantly given myself in self-sacrifice because Sloane and Garcia had hypothesized that delusions about this idealised, fantasy, perfect woman became fixed beliefs’.

‘That was crazy risky Ellie, I just thought…’

‘I know,’ she nodded, ‘but I had a plan, and I told you _confía en mí._ Boyd had some difficulties performing when we…last year, so I played on his insecurities a little, watching him, looking impatient, asking did he need help to make him feel inadequate...and then I told him I had my period'.

‘But you didn’t’

‘ _I_ know that, and _you_ know that, but _he_ didn’t. He might have been ok with regular blood but _that_ put him right off his game. He got mad, hit me, I dramatically rolled off the bed, grabbed the knife behind the headboard and I-,’

‘Cut his throat, very Ziva’ he praised her with a grin.

‘Actually, I was planning on just stabbing him, but I was using my left hand and my aim was off and I really don’t know how I did it but the next thing he was spraying blood all over the place and then I saw he had stabbed you and I thought it was too late and I felt so ashamed, so guilty-,’ her voice grew shrill as she tripped over the litany of her fears.

‘Ellie shhh, please cariño cálmate’. Closing the gap between them somewhat clumsily he took her hand in his, tracing soothing patterns on the back with his thumb.

‘You could have died Nick’ she whispered forlornly; her chest heaved in suppressed sobs of pent-up anxiety…for him. She was suddenly in his arms and he just kissed her forehead, soothing her with his bandaged hands until her shuddering sobs subsided.

‘I can barely find you in these, I think my sweats are a little too big on you’ he chuckled lightening the mood.

‘I took them out of the fresh laundry pile you left on the counter. I didn’t snoop in your stuff, I swear’

 _‘Mi casa es su casa_ , and I think you look hot in my clothes’ he winked, but he saw a look of revulsion pass her face.

‘What’s wrong?’ he asked, tilting her chin up with his wrapped knuckles so he could really see her.

‘Nick, look at me, I’m a mess’

‘Yeah, me too’

‘But my hair!’ she whimpered pulling off the hat exposing the butchery to her locks.

‘Will grow back’ he kissed her head gently.

‘Yeah, in a _year_!’

‘You will never be anything other than beautiful to me’ his heart galloped as he fought with his doubts, his fear of rejection, but he needed to say it. ‘I love you’.

‘I love you too’ she sobbed, and goosebumps of bliss sprinted across his body, a breath he didn't know he was holding whooshed out.

‘Stay’

‘What?’

‘Stay, move in with me, we can figure out everything later, whenever’

‘What about-,’

‘Ellie, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about anyone or anything other than you and me and being together. No more wasting time’, he breathed, her familiar floral scent warming his soul, setting off a whole new wave of goosebumps.

And with that, Nick captured her soft lips with his.

And he was home.

** Epilogue **

It had been almost a year, and this was her last mandated weekly session with Sloane. Both she and Nick had taken advantage of all the supports offered to them. They had both talked out their feelings and flashbacks, nightmares and night terrors. When Jack suggested she should attend a women’s victim support group she did. When the nightmares got too much that even Nick’s constant calming presence wasn’t helping, she’d seen a psychiatrist who prescribed her meds for a while, but she didn’t need them now.

She was doing well, coping, healing, and she was happy.

They both were.

Physically their wounds had faded. Nick’s Achilles had taken longer than expected and his impatience at not being fit for active duty, being stuck at his desk, unable to enjoy the gym or his running, was hard on him.

But he coped.

Their finger fractures had healed well; her hand ached at times if she typed for too long or if the cold got at her, but his warm hands usually held her hers, so that was ok. They had matching scars on their hands like stigmata, a permanent reminder of their shared past, their shared survival.

A few days after she’d moved in with Nick, they’d gone to her usual salon together to try to get something done with her hair but as the stylist stood behind her the mere sound of the first snip and sight of hair falling onto her towelled shoulders had her first quivering then sobbing as a full-on panic attack ensued and Nick had taken her home and rocked her asleep murmuring sibilant Spanish words of comfort until she eventually fell asleep.

Salvation came in the form of Kasie who revealed she had put herself through college working in a hairdresser shop at the weekends. With Nick sat in front of her holding her balled-up hands and Kasie slowly cutting and talking about work, Gibbs being shouty and Palmer being goofy she managed to tame it into a style somewhere between a short bob and pixie look. Kasie also brought all kinds of hair styling products, and pretty yet practical headbands and bandanas so that for months she rocked trendy magazine-worthy hairdo’s until it grew back to almost shoulder length now. Kasie was still her go-to girl for trims and highlights but at least she didn’t need Nick to literally hold her hands through the process anymore.

Living with Nick was easy, they were joyful and in love and they worked hard at being open about stuff that bothered them. They had patiently waited the six months until all her test results came back clear but still, they took their time before they finally made love. They were both hesitant and nervous, he was terrified he’d hurt her but their love for each other won out and it was tender and affectionate and everything she wanted it to be. Gradually they relaxed, discovering how to build on their intimacy and things these days were enthusiastically passionate.

She trusted him with her life, that would never change, and the sparkling ring on her finger had cemented their future together.

‘So how are you feeling, about the anniversary coming up. Are you still sure you made the right choices?’

‘Jack, I can live with my decision. We’ve moved on and I’m happy, we’re happy and we have a future full of love and light and good things. I will never allow Boyd to take that from us.’

She didn’t struggle to say his name now, she would never tolerate Boyd having power over her again.

‘I understand, I do, but I still worry about you’ the psychologist in her still probing, seeking out cracks in her resolve.

‘I know where to go if I need help’ she reassured her getting up to go, anxious to get back now they had a lead in the decryption cold case she was reviewing.

‘How’s the house-hunting going?’

‘We’re viewing a three-bed in Bethesda tomorrow afternoon. Nick thinks this is definitely the one’ she rolled her eyes; her fiancé had very romantic ideas about what he wanted for the first house they bought together. She was happy to indulge him, she loved seeing him so animated about bay windows and hardwood flooring as they spent hours lying in bed wrapped around each other talking about their dreams for the future.

‘I thought you guys had a prenatal appointment tomorrow?’

‘Yeah, we do but it’s in the morning, twenty-week scan already’ she smiled brightly smoothing her palm over her burgeoning baby bump. They’d decided not to waste any time at all, two surgeries had upped the risk but her doctor was confident, with close monitoring, everything would be ok.

‘I’ve put my foot down though, no gender reveal. Peanut is our first, I want it to be a surprise on the day for everyone and you’ve seen how excited he is, there’s _no way_ Nick Torres could keep it a secret if we found out the sex’.

‘I guess some people can keep secrets better than others’ Jack murmured sagely offering her a red lolly, a lifesaver in the early days of her pregnancy when bubbling back-throat bile was her constant companion.

‘Nick never finds out, Jack’ she told her bluntly. ‘I can live with what happened in that room, but I could never survive witnessing what that knowledge would do to him. It would kill him, and it would destroy us.’

Sloane knew how to keep secrets better than most. She’d suffered and buried her own horror story, she understood. She had been her rock through the past year, the only person she had told at the hospital, the one who helped create her 100% credible ‘nothing happened’ story for Nick, who went with her for STI screening and follow-up until the all-clear at six months, who recommended the best sexual assault supports in DC.

All confidentially, just between them. And that’s the way it would stay.

‘You’ve got to do what your gut tells you, Ellie. I respect your decision of course, and I’m here for you whenever you need to talk’ Sloane squeezed her in a tight hug as she went to leave.

‘Nick _never_ finds out’ and she closed the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this one was different for me and difficult to write in places. I do love drama and angst but I tipped on some tough subjects and I hope I didn't upset anybody.  
> Thanks for all the amazing comments and feedback, I'll be gone for a while but I have another long fic on the backburner...


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